Battered Wives vs Battered Husbands

Shortly after my mother was born immigrant couple had moved in to the farm next door. Like all immigrants they had their rows in thier native tounge. However, when the sound of thumping as well as screaming came across the fields, a half a mile away, my grandfather decided that it was time to interviene. He didn't want the wife being badly hurt.

Making his way accross the fields he looked in the window. The husband was flat on his back on the floor, the wife was sitting on his chest screaming her lungs out. And she had grabbed his hair and was banging his head on the floor with it. That was the thumping sound

The neibourhood stopped worrying about her welfare after that.

Almost a century later and things havent changed much.

The worst one I witnessed was a maniac girl who had cornered her boyfriend at the point of a kitchen knife and was screaming at him full blast. C mon ya gutless %^&* Hit me. Ya havent got the guts.

When she made another lunge at his he lifted a boot and shoved, (not kicked) her away. She promptly rang the police and tried to have him charged with wife bashing.

This illustrates the first point. Most people think that domestic violence and wife bashing are one and the same. In reality most domestics are pure screaming matches with the wife doing most of the screaming. A few are shovng matches with both parties shoving. And far fewer are either wife or husband bashings. When police are allowed to speak freely they will normally say that the gender abuse is fairly evenly matched.

Why then is it still assumed that ALL domestics are wife bashing?

A second point here is illustrated by Rowntree's "treat your man like you treat your dog" comment. Hsband bashing remains the only form of domestic violence that is socially acceptable on a large scale.

And a final point is also the definition of violence against women.

. Try this collection, of definitions of battered wives, from the Darebin Community Centre in Northcote.

Online Dating Photos: Showcase Your Personality

Your online dating photo says so much about you that it's important to get it right. Your photo is the first thing people will see when they look at your profile, so you'll want to make a good first impression.

Your online dating photo has to show your personality and let other people know that it's worth getting to know you. There are many ways to achieve this.

<b>Time To Show Your Face</b>

First of all, your online dating photo should show your face. It can show your head and shoulders, but no more than that. It's best to avoid showing too much flesh at the start. When posing for your photo, remember to smile. This will make you look attractive and appealing.

To enhance the attractiveness of your headshot, keep hair off your face to give an open appearance. Avoid excessive camouflage with large sunglasses, hats and other accessories. It's best to keep it simple. That rule also applies to makeup

Russian Women: The Truth About The Type of Men Who Should Go After Russian Women

Many times when a man feels he has no chance of attracting a woman anymore he will try and take the easy way or at least what he thinks is the easy way and look into a Russian Woman or Mail Order Bride type of service.

Yet, the truth of the matter is especially when it comes to Russian Women is if you don't know how to attract women in your hometown or state Russian women aren't going to be that much better for you.

Russian women have choices when it comes to dating foreign men, especially the quality Russian women which is what most guys are after anyhow.

So if you think just because you paid $19.95 for some online Russian women dating service that you are going to have your pick of women think again.

Also you need to remember that once you bring her back to your country, unless you plan on locking her up in your bedroom (which is illegal) you still are going to have to accept the reality that she can leave you for another man.

The odds of a woman, Russian or otherwise, leaving you is going to be based largely on your ability to emotionally connect with her.

Women especially Russian women aren't going anywhere if they have a strong and healthy emotional connection with their man.

Yet, a woman with no or little emotional connection with her man is essentially a woman lying in wait for a man even if she is married.

Bottom line is Russian woman are an excellent option if you are looking for a quality woman because you are having a difficult time finding a quality woman near your hometown.

If you are having difficulty attracting women period, then you need to actually work on improving your ability to attract women instead of setting yourself up for heartache with a Russian woman.

How to Ask Single Women for a Date

How to Ask Single Women for a Date This week I want to focus on some unique ways to ask single women for a date. Try these methods to get a date. They work much better than using the direct approach of just saying, "Would you like to get together sometime?"

Here are some scripts I used successfully to get dates:

Let's say that you just met a single woman and you would like to ask her out to lunch, dinner, attend a function, or go to the beach. Ask her out this way:

<UL>

<LI>Next week I'm having lunch at (name a very popular place to eat). Which day can you meet me there for lunch - Monday or Wednesday?</LI>

<LI>"Next week I would like to take you out for dinner at (name a very popular place to eat). Which day would you like me to come by and</LI>

<LI>pick you up - Tuesday or Thursday?"</LI>

<LI>"Next week I'm buying a couple of tickets to the (symphony, circus, Broadway play, opera, etc.). Which day would you like to go - Friday,</LI>

<LI>Saturday, or Sunday?"</LI>

<LI>"I'm driving down to the beach this weekend to take a walk in the sand. Which day would you like to take a walk with me along the beach</LI>

<LI>- Saturday or Sunday?"</LI> </UL>

I think you are getting the point now. You are giving her options and putting her on the spot with the above scripts. These scripts work much better than asking her with a question that she can respond with a rejection. Example: "Would you like to get together sometime? Or, "Would you like to go out for dinner?" She can simply respond with, "No." Guys, use these strategies for asking for a date. You will get a lot more dates instead of turndowns.

Marriage Problems Can be Trivial when Compared to the Alternatives

I was talking to a friend the other day about marriage problems and the conversation got totally turned around with the discussion ending up being about how hard life can be for people who are lonely. When you think of how many people now live alone and see how they crave any form of company you begin to understand how trivial marriage problems can be and how important it is to take care of your marriage.

It might not always be easy to live with your spouse but have you ever given real consideration to what life might be like without them? So many people take their marriage vows, quickly learn that marriage isn't quite the fairy tale they expected, suffer a few common marriage problems and start looking for the way out.

Nothing in life is easy, or not for the vast majority of us anyway, and marriage can be just like everything else, plan hard work. You just have to learn to look beyond your daily life, sort out marriage problems in the same way you work through any other problems in your life and you'll quickly learn that marriage comes with lifetime rewards.

I bumped into someone the other day who I hadn't seen for a long time. She had just got married but just two weeks into the union she was already struggling to cope with sharing her life. There didn't appear to be a real marriage problems just a few teething issues that should have been easily resolved yet this person who was a brilliant career person, able to quickly adapt to change in her working life and refocus at the drop of a hat just couldn't see her way through a few minor problems at the start of her marriage.

We talked for quite a while after which she began to see what she thought were serious marriage problems were merely just small, petty, resolvable issues that just needed to be dealt with so that she could get on with enjoying life.

What became quite clear is that people are trained for their careers, training is considered important and a way to make it to the top. With marriage there is no training and there still appears to be a stigma attached to those who try and get the valuable help that they need when they find that they are unable to sort marriage problems on their own.

What people need to understand is getting the communication right in a marriage is important but for many people communication just doesn't come naturally. Often there are just two choices, get help to fix marriage problems and save your marriage or just give up without a fight and let your marriage end up in the divorce courts.

Getting help to save your marriage is the right thing to do. Training is important in every aspect of your life including your marriage. Don't feel shy about seeking help from marriage experts who have dedicated years of their lives to understanding what marriage is all about. If you can't fix your marriage problems on your own don't just throw in the towel when a little push in the right direction might be all you need to return your marriage to wedded bliss.

He Wants Another Chance, Should I Give Him One?

You've been hurt for the last time. You've drawn the line to end the aggravation. You declare, "No More!"

Now they are sincerely asking for another chance. "I'll do anything", they cry out with a trembling voice. Their hurt moves you. What if they really mean it this time? How can you be sure?

Keep these 5 points in mind:

1)You don't have to give them another chance. Remembering this point first can save you a lot of unnecessary thinking and unnecessary conversations.

2)If they are sincere, they will keep their promises. If they said they will stop yelling, then they will stop. If they said they will go to therapy, then they will schedule appointments and go (with or without you).

3)They won't pressure you. They will give you plenty of time and space. This point will speak volumes on how sincere they truly are. Manipulative people won't give you the time you need to make the decision that is best for you. They want what is best for them.

4)You will notice more thoughtful listening. Their attitude will be humble, not arrogant or pouting. Trust your instincts. They cannot fake a sincere attitude. Their sincerity will hold up even if you tell them "No" or set some form of limitation on them.

5)You should see an 80% to 90% improvement in areas of their behavior that you had previously complained about, maybe even 100%.

This isn't asking for much. You only want them to give you their best self. If you are weighing whether or not they deserve another chance, find hope in that I see people change all of the time. People make mistakes and mistakes can be corrected. Sometimes it takes the fear and the pain of losing someone you love for their eyes to open and their behavior to change. Hopefully, this will be a life changing event for them, one that will produce their best self. Getting another chance is really not that hard. Most people are forgiving in nature. They believe that people can change and hope that they will change. Maybe this time, they will truly change.

Be very careful in this decision as to whether or not to give them another chance. Commonly, people who are striving to get another chance only are seeking the combination to the lock on your heart. Be careful. These people can be hard to spot because they do make an effort. They will say the things you've wanted to hear. They even go to therapy which they previously had sworn they would never do. These trips to the therapist are used to get professional input on figuring out the combination to your heart so that they can get their foot back in the door.

Give this article to the person who is seeking another chance. Even with these 5 points in front of them, an insincere person will not do these expectations despite the fairness of these requests.

Dating Services

The concept of dating services is nothing new; it has a history of its own. Dating services have been of different varieties: first, there is the community dating service; second, the video dating service; third, the television dating game; and fourth, the online dating service.

The community dating services make use of newspapers and community newsletters for posting their advertisements. This would require that the clients go to their office to avail themselves of the service. Such ads, being short, give just the basic information about the client. Though such services have the advantage that they ensure the matching of different profiles, their biggest drawback is that they do not reach very far. Their services remain limited to the circulation of the paper. Also, their matchmaking services cannot be considered very helpful because of the inadequate information in the profiles.

An offshoot of the community newsletter media, the video dating service involves users making a short personal video for the purpose of presenting themselves to prospective mates. Along with giving information about themselves, the video covers their expectations about the person they wish to meet. The match seekers produce the video on their own or use the agency's office for shooting their footage. The videos are placed in a library, which enables the users to see them so that they can check out their potential mates.

The television dating game became quite popular during the 1990s. It basically involves one person, who is the searcher (male or female), and three people of the opposite sex, who are the aspirants. The aspirants have to try to answer, as candidly and honestly as possible, a set of questions which the searcher has ready. The searcher makes the choice based on how well the prospective mate answered. The catch of this game is that, usually, neither party knows what the other person looks like, as they are separated by a curtain or a cover.

Of course, the latest in the line seems to be online dating service, which is a combination of all the three mentioned above. A relatively more informative profile can be posted, complete with photo. It is also possible to upload videos that show the searchers at their best.

Great Relationship Advice: 10 More Universal Laws for Couples

<b>The Law of Forgiveness</b> - A successful relationship requires forgiveness. The act of forgiving can release both of you from the pain of the offense, and allow the relationship to grow on from there.

<b>The Law of Empathy</b> - Empathy does not mean that you agree with how another person views the world, nor does it mean that you see the world in the same way. Empathy does mean the unique skill of being able to see the world through the eyes of the other person.

<b>The Law of Automatic</b> - The late columnist Sydney Harris said: "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that they automatically deserve great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes they automatically deserve success in marriage." I remember thinking that since I have this license that says I'm a marriage and family therapist, I knew how to "do marriage." Boy, was I wrong.

<b>The Law of Resources</b> - I've heard so many of my older clients say some version of this: "I wish we had the same resource available when we got married that are available now." So don't take your current resources for granted. Read a book, go to a seminar, listen to a tape, see a marriage therapist. Use your resources.

<b>The Law of Coaching</b> - Great teams have great coaches. Find a coach for your relationship. A coach can be a professional marriage coach, a mentor couple, or a couple you know that has a relationship that you admire.

<b>The Law of Conflict</b> - As I've said before, conflict in marriage is inevitable. It's how, and if, you handle the conflict that makes the difference.

<b>The Law of Resolution</b> - Successful conflict resolution can be achieved only when you put the relationship over the conflict and the need to be right.

<b>The Law of Service</b> - So many times, we go into marriage thinking about what's in it for me. If you really want a radically good marriage, commit to serving or outserving your partner.

<b>The Law of Differences</b> - You may have noticed by now that your spouse looks different than you. You also may have noticed that they think, feel, and perceive the world differently than you. The important thing is to understand, appreciate, and work with the differences.

<b>The Law of Vision</b> - There is a proverb that says "without a vision, the people perish." The same can be said about many couples. Most people go into marriage and just sort of make it up as they go along. What kind of relationship do you want? What kind of couple do you want to be? How do we want to handle conflict, money, planning for the future, etc? Asking these questions, and many others, will get you started on your "relationship vision."

How to Select Motels and Hotels for Romance with Single Women

This week I want to give you some valuable advice about taking single women to motels/hotels.

At some point in your pursuit of romance you will have opportunities to take women on out of town trips or just to a local motel for some lovemaking.

I want you to be aware that it's very critical to a woman what the motel looks like and more importantly what the room looks like. A lot us men could care less if a motel looks like a dive. However, it's very important to the ladies.

The most important advice I can give you is to never pay for a room without looking at it first because the room may be a real turn-off for the woman you are with and I'll tell you why:

<UL>

<LI>It may smell musty and trust me, women have very strong sense of smell.</LI>

<LI>Have see-through curtains which will make her feel uncomfortable thinking that someone could see what is going on in the room.</LI>

<LI>A hard or lumpy mattress.</LI>

<LI>Stains on the carpet.</LI>

<LI>Walls that need painting.</LI>

<LI>A room that's old and outdated and needs to be remodeled.</LI>

<LI>Mold or leak stains on the ceiling tiles.</LI>

<LI>Cracks in the walls.</LI>

<LI>Ugly bedspreads, etc.</LI> </UL>

I'm sure you get the picture. With the reputable motel and hotel chains you usually don't run into these problems. In my experience, motels that are run by individuals and not chains can really be dumps on the inside. Also those motels that have discount coupons in travel publications can be very disappointing. They use discount coupons to lure you to their motels. In this case there's a lot of truth to old saying, "You get what you pay for." To make the best impression on the woman you take to motels or hotels, take them to a reputable motel or hotel chain. They have a reputation to uphold and want to give you a nice room and amenities so you will come back. Go ahead and spend the extra bucks for a quality place to stay because it will be worth it.

Here's some more tips on selecting a place to impress the ladies:

<UL>

<LI>Offers Continental Breakfast.</LI>

<LI>Hair dryers in the room so she can dry her hair after taking a shower.</LI>

<LI>Coffee maker in the room.</LI>

<LI>Nice swimming pool and jacuzzi.</LI> </UL>

Also, don't let them give you a room next to an elevator. People make noise when waiting for the elevator or when coming out. Also, some elevators make a beeping noise when they stop at your floor (This can awaken you when you are trying to sleep). Even worse, don't let them give you a room next to a ice-maker. The machines can be noisy and people are always going back and forth at all hours and this can make a lot of noise that can interfere with you getting a good night's sleep.

There you have it. Some rules to follow when selecting a motel or hotel to impress the lady you are with. You certainly want them to be happy with your selection to keep them in a romantic mood. If they are disgusted and turned off by their environment this can make her uncomfortable and spoil your chances for romance.

How Can You Tell If You Are Being Deceived?

Since the advent of the Internet, online dating seems to be the next generation of falling in love and getting married.

With online dating, it seems that no one needs to be alone anymore. Everybody is bound to find the right man or woman through the help of online dating services. Best of all, online dating provides additional services that no other services can provide; and, because of the many interactive features that most online dating sites give, more and more people are being enticed to try it out.

One of the greatest advantages of online dating is that it gives the person anonymity. Since, other people are not fully aware of how an individual looks and what kind of person they are dealing with; anonymity becomes a powerful tool in the process of interaction with other people.

With anonymity, most people are able to say what they usually cannot disclose if done personally. In addition, most people have a lot of time analyzing their dates first before they decide to meet them in person. In this way, they get to know who the person is, his or her personality, or what does he or she looks like even if it is only through pictures.

However, anonymity can also be too powerful that some people use this as one way of gaining the other person's attention through deceptions and lies.

Therefore, for people who wish to know how to identify if the other person they are dating online is not telling the truth or is deceiving them, here are some ways to detect such unscrupulous activity.

1. People who are into online dating should be wary of those who exaggerate or evade things that are too obvious not to notice.

This only means that the other person is trying to hide something. People who do these kinds of things can be very deceiving especially if the other person cannot easily detect the "symptoms of lying."

Moreover, people who usually exaggerate may suggest that he or she is trying to cover something that is why they make an effort to change the topic at once.

2. Inconsistency

There are instances that some people usually tell stories of different varieties during a date online. Throughout the course of the activity, there are those who would keep on yakking about certain things and when they are asked to tell the same story all over again the next time the couples meet online, some discrepancies happen. The facts are no longer consistent with those that were mentioned before.

Therefore, these things would only suggest that the person is, indeed, deceiving his or her online date.

3. If the other person does not reveal too much of his or her personal information or anything about him or her, chances are, he or she may be deceiving their online dates.

In reality, there is no harm on not revealing anything about certain information. In fact, it is one way of dating safely online.

However, there are situations wherein an individual has to know something about his or her date just to gain a little knowledge about the other person. This usually includes basic information like name, age, likes or dislikes, and other light information that could give the concerned person some solid basis of the person.

So, for people who do not reveal much about who they are, it means that they are hiding something.

4. Intuitions

It may be too vague or too amusing to believe on intuitions. Nevertheless, there are many cases and stories wherein people who rely on their intuitions usually get positive results.

Intuitions are things that are known to exist without the support of some rational basis. Hence, if a person feels that his online date is not telling the truth, then, chances are, the person may not be telling the truth after all.

Experts say that through intuitions, the individual's subconscious thought can identify inconsistencies that are not easily noticed. This can be very helpful especially when somebody is skilled enough to be consistent on his or her lies for a long time.

5. It would be better for some people to ask their online date to have a chat using a web cam. In this way, they will both each other's looks, personalities, and other things that can only be verifiable through web cams.

Here, an individual can detect a person who is trying to deceive him or her when he or she does not want to use a web cam or if there are just too many excuses.

The bottom line is that, if the other person has nothing to lie about, then, everything must be kept simple and straightforward. There should be no beating around the bush while answering some questions.

In reality, online dating that is free from any deceptions should be simple and based on truth, no more, no less.