Communication 101…Stop and Listen

How many times in your past can you recall getting upset with someone, this then turned into an argument and you left with nothing resolved? It is natural to want to express your thoughts and concerns when you feel wronged. However, it is less natural to genuinely listen to the other person's point of view. Practicing healthy communication and listening skills is vital in all relationships. It takes practice to stop and listen when all you want is to get your point across. Everyone wants to be heard, genuinely heard, when expressing feelings. When you approach someone from the "I" standpoint instead of the "you" standpoint, it changes the dynamic completely. Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings and this will lessen the likelihood of defenses going up. Start today by creating relationships built on respect for one another. Again, it is ok and completely valid to be upset with someone, the way you approach the situation can make a huge difference in the outcome.

ACTION STEPS FOR THE WEEK:

1. Make a list

Make a list of all the people you would like to improve your relationships with. Take ownership and responsibility for what you bring to the relationship. Instead of the "blame game", try approaching the situation with an open mind resulting in a solution as the end result.

2. Stop and listen

Next time you get upset with someone, be prepared to stop and really listen to what they have to say. Before jumping the gun and overreacting, take a deep breath and prepare how you want to approach the situation. Envision the end result in a positive manner with both parties being able to express everything without blame. This week practice the art of really listening. Take time to stop and really hear what the other person has to say.

3. Remember how it feels

Remember how it feels when you've been genuinely heard and understood? It is difficult to get upset when you feel understood, when there is little blame and more understanding of each other's point of view. Keep this in focus this week!

Have a great week!

Leslie Gail, Certified Coach and owner of New Life Focus Coaching www.newlifefocus.com "Closing the gap between where you are in your life today vs where you want to be in your life in the future"(303)779-0731 FREE CONSULTS FOR NEW CLIENTS

How To Avoid An Unhappy Online Dating Story

Many people turn to the Internet to find friends, lovers, husbands and wives or simply just to have fun, or feel less lonely. It has become a common thing to know someone whose online dating story turned into his or her best lifetime event. But, there are equally, if not more people that had the misfortune of living a very sad online dating story. Why don't we all live happily ever after? In the following lines I will point out to a few mistakes people make in online dating.If you are single, it doesn't mean you're desperate. Remember that good things come out of a balanced way of thinking and from high self-esteem. Even if you have already had an unhappy online dating story, it doesn't mean that your dates will all be a failure. Before subscribing to an online dating site, think about what you actually expect from an online dating story. Make sure that once a member of an online dating site, you make it very clear what you expect from the other members.Are you looking for just talking, for friendship, for sex or for love? Be truthful about yourself and realistic about the messages you get from your date. Your being hidden behind the computer screen won't protect you from failure in your online dating story. Maybe your identity is safe, as online dating sites have a confidentiality policy, but you won't be protected against severe unhappiness. If you make your moves smartly and honestly, you may expect a nice outcome of your online dating story.Ask questions to find out more about the other. This is the first thing to do in order to avoid a failed online dating story. Usually a person reveals himself or herself in the answers he or she gives, try finding out how he or she feels about life, love, moral issues and so on, things that may point to healthy thinking. Unfortunately, there are dates that seam to be the perfect match and you want to pass from an online dating story to a real love story. Many people have found out like that that their date was married or that he or she was 30 pounds fatter and the list of flaws could go on.There is no guarantee when it comes to the marital status of a person you're dating online. This is why many beautiful online dating stories have gone to thin air once the cat was out of the basket. What I can tell you is that online dating sites that require a monthly fee for membership are more reliable than free membership sites. The number of unhappy online dating stories is far lower with sites where you pay up to $50 per month, than with the free ones. Good luck and may you live the happiest of online dating stories!

Why Men Love Women From Indonesia

Men often look to Asian countries to find mail order brides. Many women of Western countries are often curious about why a woman would ever be a part of a mail order bride. The truth is that Indonesian women are not really that safe in their natural culture. Women are not treated equally, although the constitution requires them to be. In fact there are hundreds of thousands of murders and rapes of women there each year.

With this in mind, men of the Western world also think that Indonesian women are also quite beautiful and attractive. They are often attracted to the ethnic look that Indonesian women provide. In addition, Indonesian women often take very good care of themselves. Their personal hygiene is excellent and their beauty is natural.

In addition to natural beauty and a willingness to take care of themselves, Indonesia women are often quite smart as well. They are trained by society to be able to hold great and intelligent conversations about many things. They are very interested in politics and other worldly issues and make perfect dinner companions.

All in all, men love Indonesian women because they are the total package. For a man to score a mail order bride from Indonesia, is a blessing. They will get a wife that is dedicated to them and will do their best to keep their husband happy. In addition they will have a partner they can discuss worldly issues with and create a lifetime of great memories with.

Communication: The Key To Better Relationships

Communication is a very important part of our daily lives. The skills we use to communicate will greatly determine our level of personal happiness and fulfillment. Effective communication makes our lives work. It helps us make and keep friends. It helps us become successful within our work.

Sometimes, however, the role models we need to learn the proper skills for good communication are not available and problems may begin and persist without these skills. By modeling the basic techniques, we can teach future generations how to develop healthier relationships.

One of the biggest ways to turn persons off is through body language. Our nonverbal messages disclose much information about ourselves, our feelings and attitudes. By increasing awareness of our body language, we can convey to others our interests and likings which we in turn want to receive. We can do this by finding a close distance in which we can talk and interact comfortably and by maintaining eye contact which conveys sincerity, smiling, leaning forward when we speak, uncrossing arms and legs and allowing expressions to show.

Self disclosure is an important part of communication. It adds excitement and develops intimacy within our relationships because we are communicating information about ourselves. The risk of self disclosure will lead our relationships to the level of intimacy that we desire.

Some suggestions for this area:

-Practice sharing factual information about ourselves. When comfortable with this, move on to the next step.

-Share your thoughts, feelings and needs but only about the past or future, such as your beliefs, hopes or thoughts on the future.

-From here share your feelings and needs on a "here and now" basis. This will involve saying what attracts us to the other person, saying what we like and dislike about their behavior. This is the most difficult level of disclosure but also the most satisfying. When we risk sharing our true feelings we can become closer to others and create stronger bonds.

Other things to keep in mind when disclosing include:

-Preparing ahead of time on what we think, feel and want within our relationship.

-Being positive.

-Taking responsibility for our position by using "I" messages, such as " I think", "I want", "I feel" and not using "You" messages such as "You always" or "You never". This puts the other person on the defensive.

Listening is another important part of communication. It is our ability to listen that makes and keeps relationships going. When we show others that we are good listeners, they are drawn to us. By taking the time to listen we learn to understand others. Listening is a commitment to the understanding of how others see things. It is also a compliment to others because we are telling them we care. Listening however does not mean we have to sit still with our mouths shut. Listening involves active participation.

Helpful suggestions for healthy listening skills include:

-moving away from distractions.

-leaning forward.

-maintaining good eye contact.

-nodding and paraphrasing.

-asking questions.

-committing yourself to understanding the other person's viewpoint.

The only way to learn these skills is by using them. It may feel awkward using these techniques at first but as we continue to work at them, they become second nature. The benefits we will gain from these skills will convince us that it is worth the initial discomfort.

Online Dating Question - I’m a Good Catch! Are All the Women in My Area Stupid?

The Question

"I need someone to help me try to stand out. There is no one around here that can help me. That or the women in my area are stupid, because I AM A CATCH!" - Phil in Illinois

The Honest Answer

We'll respond to the last part of Phil's question first and then tell you a few quick tips to really make your online profile stand out from all the other guys on any dating site.

Part 1: "

The Mirror Technique for Meeting and Picking Up Single Women

This is a very effective method of releasing the power of the subconscious mind by using a mirror. This method is very effective in motivating you to meet single women. It can be used to obtain anything you so desire.

Now I will explain the technique. Stand in front of a mirror. The mirror does not have to be full length, but you should at least be able to see yourself from the waste up.

Stand fully erect just like a soldier does when told to come to attention. Now take three or four deep breaths until you feel a sense of enormous strength, power, and determination. Now look into the very depths of your eyes and tell yourself, "Everytime I go to a nightclub I will meet a very special lady that I'm attracted to." This is just an example of what to tell yourself and be sure to say this aloud so you can see your lips move and hear the words uttered. Also, you can make up your own words and suggestions.

Do this exercise regularly at least twice a day, in the morning and in the evening and you will be astonished at the results. You may augment this by writing any slogans or key words associated with your desires with soap, marks-a-lot, or sticky note on the face of your mirror, such as "LOVE CONNECTION", "TAKE ACTION", "SCORE",etc.

Within a few days after practicing this exercise you will really begin to feel a sense of confidence in yourself and your abilities to meet and pick up single women that you never have felt before.

It is advisable not to tell anyone about your using this method to meet women. There are scoffers and skeptics that may ridicule you and shake your confidence.

When Your Russian Wife Gets to America

You bring her home. When you pull into the driveway, you proudly open up the car door and invite her in to your house. You say to her, "Here you are, honey. Your new home."

She cautiously walks in the house. She inhales shortly a couple of times. She wrinkles up her nose. The house has got a funny smell to her.

You don't notice anything. But to her, it's full of strange smells she can't identify: It's a combination of leftover fast food wrappers, old pizza boxes, dust, beer cans, and remnants from the chip and dip that you and your friends consumed while watching a football game.

You threw all those things away, but the odors are still there.

It doesn't smell like her house at home. It doesn't smell like a house with a woman living in it. It smells like testosterone.

Your Furniture:

She looks at the furniture. Maybe it's new. If so, it's probably something a guy would pick out, like heavy leather or dark colors. Certainly nothing she would pick out.

Maybe you were waiting for her to get here to buy new furniture. Maybe you are still using the furniture you picked up from your bachelor days, like the cement block and board bookshelf. Or the post divorce furniture from

The Difference Between the American Term Friend and the Russian Term Droog

The Russian word for friend is

5 Tips For Dating

At birth, did you get a manual as to

Why Your Predictions Of A Gloomy Future Will Turn Out Quite Wrong

A male client came to see me recently looking tense and unhappy. In the two weeks that I'd been on holiday he had twice broken up with his girlfriend and twice got back together with her. That made a grand total of some 26 break ups in a relationship lasting less than 3 years.

He hated himself and hated allowing himself to get drawn back into a relationship that clearly isn't working.

He described how friends and family are losing patience with him, how sick they are of hearing about his on-off relationship.

Maybe this sounds faintly familiar.

He said: "It's so stupid of me. I know that I shouldn't."

I said to him that it's not about being stupid, or weak, or pathetic.

What it is about is forgetting that there are always alternatives.

When you are in a bad relationship you forget that there is a whole world out there. More importantly, you forget that there is a place for you in that world. A place that can be as good as you want it to be and choose to make it.

On many occasions I've said this to clients. Only to have them gaze at me blankly, clearly convinced that I had missed the point. Their point was that they had just fallen into the last ditch, were up to their eyes in mud and would, very likely, never clamber out of it again. In any event, the mud bath was their future.

It was only last week that I discovered quite why this sorely limiting belief is so powerful and