Love, Lies, Betrayal, and Deceit - Why Do We Lie to Those We Love?

Why do husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, lie to each other?

Our romantic relationships are seldom what they seem. We all want a relationship that is built on openness, intimacy, and trust, but the truth is, our relationships do not always work that way. More often than not, our intimate relationships involve secrecy and deceit. In fact, if you want to look for deception and betrayal in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, and their level of commitment. Indeed, it is safe to say that people save their biggest and most serious lies for those they love.

For better or worse, our romantic relationships are full of paradoxes which we try to overlook, downplay and ignore. For the most part, this strategy works well. Until the day comes when it doesn't, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront face-on the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.

Eventually, almost everyone will catch a spouse or partner in one of their lies. Inevitably, we have a difficult time coping with what we have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close has betrayed our trust. We do not expect our partners to mislead us, nor do we have insight into how and why deception occurs.

In fairness, it should also be mentioned that it is just as likely that a partner or spouse will catch you in one of your own attempts to deceive. And ironically, we are just as unprepared to deal with this kind of situation.

Ignoring the paradoxes inherent in our romantic relationships turns out to be a costly strategy and most people pay the price for this decision, unexpectedly, and all at once. It's not so much that coming to terms with the use of deception in romantic relationships will solve all of the problems you are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occur when deception eventually comes to light.

In fact, when it comes love and romance, most of the things we believe, are not true. Most people believe that all of their marital or relational problems can be solved through "communication." We believe that deception is difficult to achieve, that misleading a partner requires a lot of effort and thought, and that romantic partners can tell when a lover is lying, and so on. None of these widely held beliefs, however, are supported by the evidence. Rather, our romantic relationships are held together by a delicate balance of both candor and deceit. And both are critical to making our intimate relationships work.

In reality, romantic relationships entail two important features which allow deception to flourish: abundant opportunity, as well as the need to deceive. As we get close to another person, we intentionally and unintentionally provide them with a great deal of information about who we are, revealing ourselves through both our words and deeds. Creating this kind of intimacy or shared knowledge is critical, as it serves as the foundation for a lot of important rewards. Through our close relationships, we create gains with respect to our health, wealth, and emotional well-being.

Because relationships provide so many important rewards, it should come as no surprise that people are inclined to view their romantic partners in a positive light. We place a lot of trust in our romantic partners. We think we know them well. But while our trust surely provides us with a sense of security and comfort, it also lays the ground for deceit. For as we trust our partners more, we also become more confident but less accurate at determining when the truth is being told.

Every relevant study attests to the fact that lovers are terrible at telling when their partners are lying. In fact, detecting deception with anyone is difficult to do, but lovers manage to take this general failure to a spectacular low. Again, as we become more confident that we can tell when a lover is lying, the exact opposite turns out to be true. This "truth-bias" or "blind faith" provides the perfect opportunity for romantic partners to engage in deception. After all, who makes a better victim than someone who is eager and willing to trust everything you have to say?

Not only do close relationships create a wonderful opportunity for deception to occur, they also create the need. While romantic relationships offer many rewards, they also tend to be overly constrictive. Most everyone has felt the constraints of a close relationship from time to time; quite simply you are no longer free to do what you want, when you want, and with whom you want. So intimacy provides tremendous rewards, but at an enormous cost

The New Marriage - Part Two of Four

When we fail to get the response or connection with our partner that we want, perhaps we should stop and look at our own thoughts and behavior. It may remind us of frightful tigers from our past stalking the room. Sometimes a calm and collected exterior hides demons lingering from childhood. But how do we uncover the real person underneath our sophisticated facade? We climbed that mountain so long ago; the path we took may be lost in the undergrowth.

Our ascent of the First Mountain begins at birth. The learning we undergo in our early childhood is intense and shapes our experiences of love and adolescence when we are further up the mountainside. The ways in which we perceived things as children affected our neurological connections and influenced our later behavior in relationships. Modern research on the brain has revealed how critical early learning affects the way we behave with and perceive the partner of our mature years.

Very early in my career a couple came to see me who had been arguing for the last year over where to store the dishes in their kitchen. Each held a Ph.D. and both were academics

How to Write Personal Ads That Grab Women’s Attention

Online dating can be a bit of a struggle if you don't know what you are doing. If you are like the majority of men online, then it simply comes down to luck. You can drastically improve your odds, however, if you learn a trick or two about how to write your profile.

When creating profiles, the key is to stand out from other guys, not to blend in. Most men make this mistake. And by stand out, I don't mean weird. No one wants to know that you like to run around with two pencils up your nose and your underwear on your head. By stand out, I mean have your profile proudly say "This is who I am".

Women reading your profile don't really care what you do for a living, nor do they care how much you bench press or what car you drive. Women want to find out if you are confident, funny, intelligent, etc. Now, is it best to come straight out and say all those things? No way. Do you see many really funny people running around telling others how funny they are? As they say, the proof is in the pudding. The key is to subtlety convey those desirable characteristics without coming across as insecure.

So now you have a couple of tricks up your sleeve, go and re-write your existing profile, or if you don't have one, go create one! If you do everything else right, then getting dates online will be a breeze.

Where Can I Meet Someone I Want To Date?

Good question! You know there's lots of places you could meet someone you'd like to date. What's important here is that you don't limit yourself on where you can meet someone. Go with how you feel, and if it feels right to you at that moment, then go for it! What do you have to loose?

Jackie was down in the dumps because she hadn't met anyone since her break-up with Matthew six months ago. She had dated Matthew for almost two years and they decided to go their own separate ways because they felt after two years they really weren't compatible. They also discovered that their marriage goals were different. Jackie wasn't ready to settle down and have kids and Matthew was ready to get married and start a family. So, they decided to go their own separate ways. Jackie was alone and with no one. She was depressed and didn't know what she was going to do. Her friend Monica, decided to help Jackie with her quest of trying to find out where she could meet someone to date. So, Monica started looking for information to help Jackie find a place to meet someone and low and behold, she ran across the tips and information provided in this article to assist her friend in meeting someone. Monica also found this information helpful to her as well. So, here we go! Try some of these tips and information which may assist you in meeting that someone special:

1) Consider your favorite hobbies or things you like to do when trying to find someone to meet for a date. You will probably find that this will lead you to a place that you can meet someone to date. For example, if you like going to concerts, you may want to book a ticket to a concert and this will provide you with a venue to meet someone. Or, if you like reading, go to your favorite bookstore to pick up a book and maybe you'll meet someone special! Get the idea? By using your hobby or what you like to do, this could lead you in the direction of meeting someone you may want to date.

2) Make a connection through a dating service to meet someone. There's lots of those to choose from these days. In fact, you can join dating services via the internet or off line. So you may want to consider this source when you're trying to meet someone to date.

3) Social events are a good way to meet someone. Such social events would be festivals, parades, sporting functions and other types of events. At these particular events there are multitude of people in attendance, so the possibilities of meeting someone is practically endless!

4) Various clubs are a good source for meeting people, such as; health fitness clubs, professional clubs, comedy clubs, night clubs, and any other types of clubs you can think of which would be of interest to you in meeting someone.

5) If you like fun in the sun, consider amusement parks, beaches, and maybe the zoo. If you like it inside, consider going to a video arcade where you can meet someone who's interested in video games like you.

6) Hey what about the mall or supermarket? Yeah, that's right! These are great places to meet people. Maybe you like to shop, or possibly don't really have a choice, then why not consider meeting that special someone you may want to date at the supermarket or mall. You never know if you'll meet your prince or princess on aisle nine where your favorite bread is located in the supermarket!

7) Movie theaters are also good places to meet someone you may want to date. As you already probably know, lots of people go to the movies on a daily basis so you may catch the love of your life there. Go ahead, try it!
Business seminars and conventions are also good places to meet someone as well. I know you're probably saying, hey I'm on business this isn't a social trip. Well, that's okay! There's nothing wrong with mixing business with pleasure. I'm sure you'll have some down time after your business is completed to mingle and chat with other business associates attending the seminar or convention. Perfect opportunity to meet that someone special!

9) Why not at work, if you're comfortable meeting someone at your workplace that you may consider dating. It may not necessarily be a person working for the same company you're working for, it could be someone who works at another company in the same building.

10) Consider your friends and relatives as a source for meeting someone you may want to date. You never know you friend or relative may know someone that you can make a love connection with!

So, as you can see there's lots of places you can meet someone you may want to date. You can probably think of more places to meet someone yourself in addition to the tips listed here. So go ahead, get started picking a place you can meet someone and you'll eventually meet the right person to date!

Couple Relationship

Statistics about divorce rates in the United States vary widely from one third up to fifty percent. Still, even considering the lower estimations, that would still be every third couple getting divorced.

Surely one reason is the more liberated attitude towards marriage and divorce in our modern society. But there must be different reasons why couples are not getting along in the first place - before divorce becomes an option.

In most cases, it all starts with two people who are madly in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Often (here goes liberation again) they've been living together for a while, and they passed already the initial conflicts that arise from two people who suddenly share a living space.

And there lies already the first possible brick in the wall that will divide them later on. By tendency, men are untidier than women. Unwashed dishes are not really a problem, so are unwashed clothes. And since the friends don't really mind those things either, a rather sketchy clearance will do before receiving visitors.

Again by tendency, women prefer things to be clean, tidy and organized. The reputation is altered by the apartment's or house's state of cleanliness when it comes to visitors, so untidy husbands can be a real nuisance. Especially, when they refuse to share the work-to-be-done in the household or even disregard it.

Behind this are two aspects. First, male role behaviour (you might go as far to say, arrogance): I am a man, I will not do housework. Second, many men simply don't give so much importance to those things. That may be influenced by the time spent at home - even though many women are working, they gradually spend more time at home than men, especially if there are children to be taken care of. So of course, the sensitivity towards unwashed socks is higher.

Still, sometimes the degree of female sensitivity on untidyness can reach annoying levels if it's exaggerated. Nagging behaviour and a constant avalanche of complaints, especially about small and objectively unimportant issues, create a stressed atmosphere and can lead to relationship-damaging and most of all unnecessary arguments.

Conclusion: Guys, be more thoughtful with household chores. Try to get used to helping maintain a certain state of cleanliness� it's not that hard. And girls, don't also be over-sensitive with your partner's domestic imperfection.

Transferring from easy-going single life to married life will raise a lot of responsibilities that have quite some influence on the way of living. Before, there was only one person to negotiate the course of action with - oneself. Now, two opinions have to be heared and compromises have to be made. That can be quite tough, especially when the respective interests are far from each other. Decisions range from the kind of new car to buy (sporty vs. station wagon), the place to visit on holiday (beach vs. culture) to small things like the color of the necktie.

Depending on who's dominant in the marriage, one partner will feel overruled. Or there will be a constant source of arguments if both won't give in. Either way, it leads to a bad mood and a strained relationship.

Conclusion: Don't just show, but really take interest in what your partner really likes doing. Be open-minded, and overcome social role patterns. Maybe you'll find more common interests among each other. On the other side, be fair if your partner really doesn't like something. Offer deals (Icehockey against classic concert), or make compromises. Get used to the thought that marriage will cost you a lot of your personal freedom. Preferrably, get used to that thought BEFORE you decide to get married.

Now you were really enjoying the time together, and it could go on like this for years and suddenly (well, not that suddenly, but sometimes rather unexpected), there are three of you there. Children can have a serious impact on the plans you made for the next years. Commonly, men are completely and blissfully ignorant when it comes to dealing with babies. This is surely based in social role patterns - and maybe many are just lacking the talent. So the mother often gets stuck with the work. Full-time job might not be an option for a while, so it requires a healthy self-confidence to accept the lack of personal acknowlegdement through working success.

But there is also the other side of the medal: In the case of working couples, the husband's responsibility is increased regarding the family's financial situation. Career decisions and risks are not easily taken anymore, and the budget is usually tighter with a third mouth to feed. At that point, nagging about money and arguments about long working hours can cause the husband to develop a feeling of estrangement towards his family out of the anger from lack of understanding.

Since this can be a volcanic source of arguments, better make sure you realize the work that's coming up to you before having a child. Guys, be helpful. Don't come home after a stressy working day and expect to relax. Depending on the number and temperament of your offspring, your wife probably had an even more stressy day. Help her out where possible - if you can't go with children, at least take over some of the household stuff. Dishes are easier to wash than babies, and they don't fight back. Girls, show understanding if your husband, though trying hard, has got difficulties when it comes to such profane things like changing diapers. They probably didn't have practice with their little siblings when they were young, and they didn't share a similar affection towards dolls.

Arguments cannot be avoided. Still, try to maintain a civilized way of dealing with each other. It's better to swallow your pride and a sharp reply than hurting your partner's feelings. Be open to criticism. That's the hardest part of all, but what do you expect when you share your intimate life with someone? Fight the first impulse to defend yourself when criticized and keep your mouth shut. Admit your mistakes. And avoid being resentful. You won't like it being done to you either.

Two partners should be equal in marriage, so no one will rule over the other. That means a lot of compromises and probably a reduction of former pleasant spare-time activities. Be prepared for that, and keep in mind that what might be great fun for you is a waste of time for your partner.

Remind yourself of the love you feel for each other, and show it. There's no law against being sweet even if you've been married for some years. And if you're having a hard time, clear your mind, and remember why in the first place you got married.

Louisville Online Dating — Turn It into a Success Story!

If you live in Louisville and want to find the love of your life, then this article is for you. We are going to discuss some real good tips that will help you out in making a great profile online to attract hundreds of people in your area. Many people while making profiles overlook some basic rules of the game. Don't forget that you're here to seduce. If you have dull profile, with either lots of text or you have tried to be over-smart in your profile, many people will just pass through your profile without reading further or sending you a message. This is not something you want to happen to your profile. Keep reading on to learn how to turn your online dating visit a successful one.

1. Not just with Louisville, but with any other popular dating site you don't want to see a lot of profiles that have the same kind of pick-up line written on their profiles. These lines have become boring long since, so please don't use them. Instead, come up with a new and unique headline of your own that will attract a lot of people out there looking for romance. It's also advisable to browse through existing profiles to see what they lack. Note down their mistakes and don't repeat them while making your own profile.

2. Since dating sites are free for all, there are so many profiles out there made by inexperienced people or who just to have it done for the heck of it, that they make spelling and grammar mistakes so often that you get irritated easily and want to close down the site before moving on to the next page. Double check your profile and everything you have written in it and try to edit it, making it more presentable and fit to be seen.

3. Make your profile worth reading, instead of just consisting of a name and sex preference. You want to make it attractive, so express yourself and your desires in a more casual way and give as many details about yourself as possible without repetition. You can also mention your past experience that was a successful one. Also give something for others to look forward to. For example,

Is Your Ex Still Controlling You - Part One

Your ex's opinion no longer counts. As if it ever did. No kidding.

Now don't get me wrong. Having been married for almost eight years, being divorced involved breaking some hard habits.

For a while there I still referred to her as "my wife

How To Meet Women In Nightclubs And Streets

<b>***Question From A Reader:</b>

Dear Joseph,

I am a student and I wanted to know how to meet girls in the most crucial areas with plenty girls. Here are the situations First: The Nightclub where the music is so loud, where there are too many people with little or no space to move, and the girls are dancing with themselves,. The main idea is that it is very hard and almost pointless to start a conversation in these areas. How do I do it?

Second: How do I meet girls who are walking along the street maybe going somewhere. Like am in school, how do I meet a girl who is walking down maybe to her dorm or somewhere else. The point is where am from people do this to women all the time. But here in America, its almost considered weird b'cos you pop out of nowhere and shes not expecting it.

Finally, what do you do when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend? should you leave her alon or continue your business on getting her. What if she is totally in love with her boyfriend, how do you win her over?

–Xion

<b>***My Response:</b>

Okay, I guess I'll try tackling each question in order…

First, Nightclubs ARE very difficult venues. Unless you're specially suited to the party-style nightlife, these venues will be a bit daunting. And even if you are predisposed to this type of pick up, you will still have to deal with lots of competition from other men.

That said, it's not impossible to meet women in nightclubs. But it will require you to be a little more outgoing and aggressive than other venues.

First off, when I'm in a club, I tend to like to hang out in open-air areas where I can talk to other people easier. Patios and right outside the club can be good for this. Most clubs will have some form of outdoor area where you can hang out — especially places like New York and Los Angeles where you're not allowed to smoke inside.

The dance floor can also be quite effective. If you like to dance, go out there and try dancing with the women who are dancing by themselves. If they're not into it, move on. If they are, it's PLAY time! =)

Also, keep in mind the time at which you're going to the club. Usually, the later it gets, the easier it is to pick up a girl (this is because as it gets later, people are more pre-disposed to "hook up" due to alcohal, desperation, boredom, etc.).

Second, to approach women on the street takes a bit of finesse. In America, people do tend to be a bit more private than in other parts of the world. My best advice in this respect is to actually follow the girl for a bit and see where she's going. If she stops off at a coffee shop or a bus stop, or whatever, THAT is the time to approach her! If it looks like she's going someplace you can't follow her into (like her home/dorm, for instance) then you'll have to take the chance and try approaching her cold. But make it a quick approach and include a time constraint ("I know you're on your way somewhere, this'll only take a second…"), get her number as quick as you can, then move on.

Finally, when it comes to the "boyfriend" thing, that's a matter of personal taste. Some guys don't want to mess with that, others don't care. The thing is, most women aren't THAT committed to their boyfriends, so it's not as big of an obstacle as you might think.

The important thing to do in this situation is to try and "read" the woman. Sometimes, a girl will tell you she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't because she wants to politely reject you (and sometimes she really does have a boyfriend and wants to stay faithful to him). If this is the case, you have to look at the signals she's giving you to see if she's actually into you or not.

If a woman does like you and IS, in fact, into you, she will usually with-hold the fact that she has a boyfriend. And if she does bring it up, she wants you to take the lead and "sweep her off her feet" so she won't have to feel guilty about cheating on him. So when that's the case, it's time to pump up the agressiveness on your pick up.

Wishing you success!

Joseph Matthews

Wedding Planning Checklist Tips

So the lucky couple have finally decided to do the

Are You Too Nice For Your Own Good?

Are you too nice? How can anyone be "too nice"? Isn't being "nice" a good quality to have in a relationship?

Yes, it's true that people will value niceness in others, but if your way of being nice is to suppress your own needs constantly, you are being too nice for your own good. If you always put the needs of others first, and your own needs last, if you don't speak out when your own needs are ignored, then you are being too nice for your own good.

When you express your niceness as a sign of genuine respect, kindness and interest in another person, it is a wonderful quality to have. When the "niceness" is a by-product of low self-esteem, passivity, or desperate loneliness, it can be a liability, and can make other people feel uneasy, guilty, or even attract the sort of people who are willing to exploit you.

Have you ever met a person who never expresses their real preferences, opinions, or desires, even in the smallest matters? When someone asks them, "Where do you want to go tonight?" they reply, "I don't care, anything is fine with me, where do you want to eat?"

A person who won't state their opinion or preference may think they are being nice, but this is not niceness, this is a form of fearfulness, and a lack of self-respect. Some people develop the trait of never asking for what they want because they were raised in a family where expressing wants or opinions was discouraged, or even disallowed.

They may have been literally taught that they shouldn't speak up, that they shouldn't want anything for themselves, and that everyone else's opinion mattered more than theirs did.

A child who grew up in a family where they weren't allowed to express their needs or opinions, may grow up believing that this is how the whole world wants them to behave, even after they have become adults. They may find it difficult to take the initiative in any situation involving other people. They may feel uncomfortable or fearful expressing their desires. They may even feel they are being "bad" if they ask for anything.

Although they may think that being extremely passive and refusing to make decisions is their way of "being nice", it isn't always fun having a person who is this self-effacing as a friend. It can be tiring for the other person in the friendship to have to make every decision just because their passive friend won't make any.

In relationships that are healthy and satisfying, both people share responsibility equally when making plans and decisions.

If you believe that being nice means never asking for anything for yourself, it's important to learn to pay attention to your needs, to respect yourself, and to ask for what you want and need. Take your turn making decisions with others. Make your needs and preferences heard.

If you find your wishes are always being ignored, take a close look at why this is happening and see how you can change it.