Why We Date
As human beings we have what can be considered some of the strangest mating rituals in the animal kingdom. Most species hook up with members of the opposite sex to procreate and nothing else. There is no emotional bond that ties them together for the rest of their lives other than the need to continue the species. Now that's not to say that all animals are like this, there are some species out there that do mate for life, but the overall percentage of those types are small.
Sure, you can say that many animals have mating rituals that rival ours. There are male birds that flaunt their colorful plumage trying to attract a female, but is that really dating or just a type of seduction? And in the end isn't that what going on dates is all about, seducing that someone we've had our eye on.
Dating is a form of seduction, only for us humans it can sometimes take a much longer time for the desired results to be had. In the animal world there is a specific time of the year when seduction and mating can take place, and with the exception of humans, dolphins and some primates, animals mate to continue their species and not for the pure pleasure of it. For most animals it is the drive to survive as a species.
We humans have taken the whole dating/seduction ritual to unforseen heights. Just think of all the things we do to try and impress that special someone. And why do we want to impress them? Because we think we like them and if we don't do our best to seduce them using all sorts of dating tricks and techniques then someone else will and that's just not acceptable.
So why do we date?
To impress someone we are interested in? I would say yes on that one. I can't think of any other reason to spend that kind of time and money other then to do just that.
To continue the human species? This is a far more subjective question. Do we really need more humans on the world? That's debatable. I think for the majority of humans it's for a little more selfish reasons and that's to have somone come after us who carries the family name onward into the future.
Just for the fun of it? Now here's whole another way to look at it. Meeting new people is fun. Particularly if you are attracted to them. Dating is fun and it introduces us to whole new ways of thinking and approaching people.
The why do we date question is a hard one to answer, but whatever your reasons may be it's a part of what makes us human.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Why Women Want the Man Other Women Want
How is it that a person or character such as James Bond can always get women everywhere he goes? Why is it that women do not reject the idea when they see a man with another woman but actually become more interested in him?
It is generally true that single women will want a man who is desirable and seen with other women. Part of this is because by her seeing him with other women, this gives her instant social proof that he is a good catch. A lot of this stems from biological roots.
The male who has the most dominant character or personality is often the one that is chosen by females to allow the procreation because he will be more likely to protect her and her young.
This happens in many species of animals. Of course as humans we have evolved beyond the basic necessities and have climbed the Maslow's hierarchy of needs in the civilized world. Most of our biological foundations of attraction have been covered up by many other things which have changed the dynamics (or at least people have let the new dynamics influence their behavior without understanding the greater picture).
It is not uncommon in the wild for other females to want the same male because they instinctively know that he can provide the most protection and security for them. This will often leave the other dudes out of luck. A lot of this behavior is carried over in humans.
When a woman sees that a man is around other women, that alone separates him from the crowd because there must be some reasoning behind it. This is instant validation for a female. When so many men today are just alone and desperate for any kind of attention from beautiful women, it is refreshing for a woman to see a man who is attracting other women. He is really unique all of a sudden.
This will make her instantly validate him and she will be much more likely to take a strong interest or even approach in him. She wants to prove to that man that she is a good catch herself because now the tables have turned to their original and natural paradigm where the man is the one with power and selection.
Even in the wild it is not uncommon for an alpha male of the species to mate with many different females, essentially having his own harem and then he will leave them while they take care of the young.
The behavior is a little bit different with men (in our civilized world) because when we see a woman with another man we kind of just respect that and know that she is in another man's territory and probably for a reason. Men will say things like, "I wish that I had Jesse's girl" or "I want a girl like that", whereas women will say, "I want THAT man".
She is specifically interested in you when you are this man because there is a reason that specifically you will have attracted these other women around you. She wants to possibly be one of those women as well even if it means cat-fighting with the other women in your life. Women are just interesting like this because biologically they want the strongest alpha male (inherently) to provide and 'protect'…now this mixes with social proof and validation of seeing him with other women.
All of this works to your advantage when you understand everything I can teach you.
So a man who is a pure natural (a la James Bond) has even more natural selection and choice because he is aligned with the natural order of biology, tradition and evolution.
Women will often put aside common sense and logic easily to be with a man who knows how to spark that inherent attraction mechanism which lies dormant within her.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Kissing Signs On A Date 101
Learn The Kissing Signs On A Date
First dates are always loaded with pressure. It is with no small wonder having the first kiss can be as over whelming. Gabby Love at offer key signs to identify the signs that he or she is ready to take the relationship to the next level.
The sign the woman is interested in a kiss are as follows:
A. She is facing you with her arms down and body is relaxed.
B. She tilts her head upward toward you.
C. She appears not to be in a hurry to end the date.
D. She has her mouth parted.
E. She is gazing into your eyes.
The sign that she is not interested in a kiss are as follows:
1. Her jaws are clamped shut.
2. She is messing around with her keys.
3. She won't look you in the eyes.
4. She shakes your hand and says "Good Night."
5. Her chin looks like it is glued to her chest.
The signs that he is interested are as follows:
A. He has positioned himself between the woman and the door.
B. He appears to be acting nervous.
C. He doesn't appear to be interested in leaving.
D. He has his head tilted upward.
E. He continually licks his lips.
The signs that he isn't interested are as follows:
1. He walks the woman straight to the car or door without hesitation.
2. He keeps his hands in his pockets.
3. He continually looks at his feet.
4. He avoids eye cont at all times.
Gabby love feel that by observing the above signs will assist one in not having an embarrassing situation while on a date. Just relax and pay attention at all times.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Flirting - A Betrayal Of Trust
Flirting is as old as man. In the past, flirting was viewed with disgust and a flirt was
considered out of tune with morality. But things have since changed.
Today, flirting is glamorized.
A flirt is considered "cool" and flirting is regarded as a 'legitimate' way to relieve
stress. The internet has magnified this.
Some web sites promote what is called discreet flirting. Such web sites connect men and
women, married or single, and encourage members to go beyond just friendship to something
more intimate. These web sites openly promote illicit sexual behavior and tell married
people that cheating on their partners is modern and smart.
Unfortunately, these web sites and their promoters have a great following. Consequently,
flirting has grown from just an epidemic to a pandemic. No wonder many marriages are
failing!
However, nothing can be further from the truth. The truth is, flirting is a betrayal of
trust.
A flirt is not a good candidate for marriage
Any love relationship with a flirt is sure to hit the rocks
Anyone who partners with a flirt for love is partnering with failure
Bottom line. A flirt lacks commitment. A flirt cannot commit to you or anyone. So, if you
are serious about settling down and having a happy loving mate to spend the rest of your
life with, make sure that person is not a flirt.
A flirt lacks trust. A flirt does not understand the value of trust. He throws it away for
a few moments of pleasure. Flirting hurts its victims badly. But the flirt doesn't give a
damn about that. Now you see why I say a flirt is a bad candidate for marriage.
Flirting goes beyond just a betrayal of trust. It wrecks marriages and causes heartbreak.
When the innocent partner finds out her spouse have been cheating on her, things are never
quite the same again. Trust comes crumbling down and the relationship is at the verge of
failure.
Just how important is trust and commitment in relationships?
Well, I'll tell you. Trust is everything. Without trust, there is little point in having a
relationship. Commitment, in real terms, is devotion to one person, one love, one partner
and just that partner. Commitment engenders trust. Where commitment is lacking, trust
disappears.
To illustrate.
Would you trust a man who tells you he's in love with you and only you but then tells another
woman exactly the same thing to get her to go out with him? Most likely you won't. You know
why? Simply put, he's not committed to you alone. And so you can't trust him to protect your
interests.
In summary, flirting is a blatant betrayal of trust. A flirt is a criminal.
Flirting destroys marriages and indeed, any love relationship. Sure, having so many women
around you is fun. Every woman is unique in her own way. Your wife is unique in her own way
too. So, you may feel you can fool around with the women so you get the best of both worlds,
the best of every woman's world.
However, those few pleasurable moments in another woman's arms will ultimately destroy your
marriage. You will lose everything you've worked hard to build.
Is flirting worth the cost?
No, No, No.
Love your mate. Stay with her. Commit to her. Do not betray her. Do not look at another woman.
Do not even fantasize about how life will be in another woman's arms. Maintain, protect, and
defend your commitment to your wife.
Detest flirting.
Your mate will love you for it. She will trust you. And your love will last forever. You will live
happily ever after. In the end, that is what counts.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Making Divorce a Plague of the Past!
It's a new era! It has all been demystified. We have found the cause of the pain. All these divorces, strange domestic violence cases, and broken hearts are caused by LACK OF QUALITY KNOWLEDGE AND ADVICE. Yes, times are changing and so must we! Now is the time to stop the guess work, to stop cutting corners, and making wrong assumptions in building love relationships.
Trust me, choosing a lover from the open range of Singles, and keeping that lover successfully, are skills that are very easy to learn. You can learn how to make these important lifetime decisions. And now, available for the first time, is a new decision-making tool you can use to guide you in choosing your true lifetime lover, and not an impostor who is going to pretend, divorce, and ruin your quality of inner life. Just released too, are 15 proven success mindsets you can incorporate in your life to make you a better spouse, and to keep your lover successfully.
It's time to put your mind at ease. You don't have to divorce, or be involved in domestic violence, or bruise your heart ever again. You can create the future you want without these unpleasant surprises. You can learn how-to foresee and manage the risks in building a strong love relationship. Yes, you can be in control. Marriage is all predictable. You only need to learn the right knowledge, to enable you to unlock the secrets of building a rock solid foundation for your relationship. Yes, it is now easier to protect your future. It is now easier to create true marital success.
During my search for these hard facts, I interviewed over 1,000 experienced adults ranging between the ages of 26 and 80 years old. Among these interviewed adults were the successfully married, the unsuccessfully married, the adult singles who had quit looking for a lover, those who were still trying to find their mates, and a few who had completely changed their sexual behaviors to escape the deep pain that hit hard into their soul. This study revealed all the quality information which has been missing. I will be sharing more of this prerequisite wisdom for marital success, as a way of giving back to society.
Let me tell you some of what I found. Out of more than 1,000 adults interviewed, 280 adults had failed in marriage. They had a lot of stories and experiences, and I will only share a few of the hard learned lessons they had in common. The aim of sharing this information here is to empower you to understand how they failed, why they failed, and how you can use their experiences, to make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. Please, study these findings:
1. At the time of tying the knot, each of those 280 adults believed that their marriage was going to last forever, but that did not happen! They all learned this hard lesson; that being good and wanting to be successfully married is not enough on its own, because the success of your marriage truly depends on your husband or your wife. They proved that you cannot sustain a love relationship single handedly; it takes two to succeed. And therefore, it is important that you choose a lover who is right for you, and also finds you right for them.
2. They rushed to fall in love, and failed to see the red flags which were right in their faces from the time they started dating. They confessed that they were emotionally attached, and had hoped they would be able to change their former fianc?s) habits after wedlock. They learned this hard lesson, that you cannot successfully change another person if that person is not willing to change on their own. They also learned that it is not smart to force a mismatch, because it always leads to domestic violence and a future breakup.
3. They regretted not knowing what they should have known in time, to make the right marital decisions. They were instead consumed by the excitement of the new relationship, the sweet gifts, the new places to visit, and planning their wedding, before truly knowing or evaluating the person they were committing their love to. They learned that regardless of your feelings, it is vital to control your love emotions and target your decisions towards meeting your long term needs.
4. They all confessed that it was a costly experience; and wished someone had taught them how to guard their hearts from the wrong person! They learned that their hearts were truly the most precious possession they had. But the other sad discovery was that, many of those whose hearts had been repeatedly bruised, had lost confidence, and preferred to stay as players because they were afraid of trusting or loving anyone again.
5. They were pained not by the divorce itself, but the fact that their divorce was preventable, had they learned how-to interpret the advance warning signs which they had seen during the pre-wedlock period. They learned that making choices unthinkingly; and then hoping for the best, is being reckless with life. You have to know what you are doing every step of the way in choosing the right spouse. You also have to know how-to keep her/him successfully.
Now, as you can see, all these unpleasant endings were preventable, only if they had been empowered with the right knowledge. Please, don't make it harder than it is supposed to be. You now have a user-friendly DECISION MAKING TOOL you can use to guide you in building a strong and lasting love relationship. It has now been documented, to restore hope and success, and to teach you how-to avoid these common and painful marital mistakes.
If you are interested in creating a successful love relationship, then you owe yourself this prerequisite knowledge. It is in a new value-adding workbook titled, 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-help Secrets for the Smart Lover, by Alex Mugume, and available online at, http://shop.bestlovingskills.com/ It was designed and written to guide you in every step of the way in making winning lifetime decisions. This book will also help you to develop the futuristic thinking style you need, to shape your marital destiny, the way you want it. Now is the best time. Learning these best loving skills will save you time, save you money, and make you and your family happier too. Don't miss out on true love. I wish you the best love.
(Feel free to use this article online and in your email newsletter as long as you leave it intact, and do not alter it in anyway. The by-line and biography must remain in the article).
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Online Dating Safety Tips
There's thrill, excitement, and nervousness when meeting for the first time someone you met over the Net. But you must exercise caution when meeting someone you barely know.
Below are some tips to guide you safely when dating.
1. Make arrangements to meet at a specific location, but do not let the person pick you up from your house.
2. You should meet in places where there are many people so you can ask for help if your date gives you trouble. Public places such as malls or daytime parks are good places to begin with. If it is possible, you could go double or group date.
3. When you are eating in a restaurant or caf?go Dutch. Pay half of the bill. In that way, you won't feel under any obligation to continue the relationship if you don't like the person.
4. If possible, avoid drinking alcohol while on a date. Alcohol could affect your judgment and lessen inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep the drink in sight all the time. Do not get too drunk. You might not know or remember what happened later on.
5. If you have a car, use it. Make sure the gas tank is full.
6. Assuming that your date is safe just because they claim to be religious is wrong. For all you know, they could have a hidden, more unfavourable side.
7. Do not let any first-time date know where your house is. Only assess after the second date if you should let them know where you live.
8. At night, avoid going to secluded, dark areas like parks or dimly lit places.
9. Listen to what your gut says. If there is something that does not feel right, then most likely, it is not. Leave immediately if you feel something isn't quite right.
10. Tell someone whom you are with and where you will be going. You might also want to arrange a time schedule where someone could call you later and check up on you. You could also plan to meet some friends after the date.
11. Do not give your home contact number. If you really have to give contact information, give your mobile phone number.
12. Stay alert. Having fun the whole time does not mean you should let your guard down. Be sure you have a cell phone with you.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Ten Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex With A Man
You see a lot of articles about what men can do during sex to make it better for the woman, but there's a lot less information - and opinion - on the mistakes women make. So, to set the record straight, here's our list of ten things for women to avoid.
1 Expecting him to think like a woman
We've all seen loads of books with titles like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" which highlight an unfortunate difference between the sexes. Men and women don't think the same way - and while we're not going to get into why this happens, it's important to remember that fact when you're in a relationship. In general, men are not as romantic as women, they don't see romance as a necessary prelude to sex, and they can divorce sex from their feelings in a way that perhaps most women can't. So there will be plenty of times when a man wants sex even if he isn't feeling romantic and connected to his partner.
For him, the physical pleasure of sex is a reward in itself. He doesn't need to be seduced into feeling desire (though he may appreciate it if you do seduce him!), at least most of the time, for his sex drive is a pretty constant part of his maleness. I think that's what women don't understand.
They know how elusive and emotional their own sex drive is, but they don't appreciate how different it is for a man. Think of it this way: men can enjoy sex with their partner whether they are feeling loving or not; in fact they often find their feelings of love for their partner when they have sex with her. By contrast, women often say they need to feel loving before they want sex - or at least before they are prepared to give themselves heart and soul to a man.
2 Not showing your sexual energy
Women who were brought up to be demure "good girls" (i.e. non-sexual) may find it difficult to express the essence of their feminine energy during sex. And a lot of women also have problems expressing their anger, an emotion which can add real spice to the sexual union between men and women. This lack of sexual energy might appear as a reluctance to initiate sex, a reluctance to be the active partner, a reluctance to make noises or thrust, or simply an overall tendency to wait for the man to lead and direct what happens during sex.
But believe me, ladies, your man will really like it when you express your passion - whether that means you getting on top for woman on top sex, moving in a way that will give you the greatest pleasure, kissing him passionately, or being assertive about what you want in bed.
3 Being too gentle when you touch his penis
Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to their penises. If you ever have the pleasure of watching him masturbate, you'll see how much pressure he uses on his penis - especially as he nears orgasm. If you're doing it for him, ask him to tell you what you're doing right and what he'd like done differently. He'll really appreciate your efforts to give him more pleasure.
4 Not experimenting with sex
The saying has it that men think about sex ten times an hour - or is it a hundred? Yes, of course that's an exaggeration, but it isn't much of one. While some women have a high sexual desire, it's true to say that women in general are much less sexy than men when they're not in the bedroom. Men fantasize all the time - about the things they see, what they'd like to do, how they'd like to do it, and so on. With such an active sexual imagination, it's not hard to understand why a bit of variation in the bedroom routine can keep a man sexually happy.
It doesn't have to be way out stuff like bondage, either. For example, try changing sex positions once in a while: take the initiative and get on top of him or let him enjoy rear entry for a change. Talk dirty to him if you've never tried that before; explore and play with new parts of his body, such as his anus and perineum, during foreplay - or even during the main event. Seduce him into a "quickie" by leaving a trail of clothes across the floor into the bedroom. Greet him at the door in sexy clothing. Phone him at work and tell him what you'd like to do to him later that day…..well, you get the idea - use your imagination!
5 Expecting him to read your mind
Yes, we know it's difficult to express your sexual desires directly. But men don't think like women. They don't read clues, they don't get hints. So stop communicating indirectly, and tell him what you want. And give him feedback when you get it! That way, he'll know exactly what he's supposed to be doing, how you feel about it, and whether to do it again. For example, if you like what he's doing during sex, let him know with your moans of pleasure.
6 Criticizing him
I think one of the reasons women can be so critical of their man is that they've never learned the art of direct communication. Than means stating clearly and directly what you want, how you want it, and whether you got it - and how you feel about it afterwards. Men appreciate that style of talk - they know where they stand and it removes the uncertainty for them.
Criticism is an indirect way of saying that your needs are not being met - but if you read number 5 above, then maybe you've begun to understand that your man won't know what you want unless you tell him. If you're judging his love for you on the basis of his ability to anticipate and meet your needs without you saying what they are, well, I'm afraid you aren't likely to be very satisfied. And it won't be his fault.
7 Letting him take responsibility for your orgasm
A lot of us think that a man somehow has a responsibility to "give" a woman an orgasm during sex. After all, that's how a lot of us were brought up - that a man somehow has to look after "his" woman. And that idea extends to making sure she has an orgasm during sex…..but the truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasms. So while it might be nice for your man to help you get there, if you don't make it to orgasm through his efforts, you can always take matters into your own hands.
8 Controlling him by withdrawing sex
One of the most unhealthy things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and don't want. (That might even extend to simply saying you don't feel emotionally close enough to your partner to want sex.)
9 Thinking he'll feel the same way about your body that you do
It just isn't so. Men don't attach the judgments to women's bodies that women do. So, for example, even if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it won't matter to him the way it matters to you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly won't be put off making love, or want the lights off, because of it. While you waste time and emotional energy wondering if you're completely undesirable because of some aspect of your body, he'll never give it a second thought. It's women who judge their bodies, I think for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.
10 Not making up with sex after an argument
Well, yes, I know that a lot of couples do make up with sex when they've had an argument, but in fact many more don't. As I said above, most women think that they need to be feeling loving and emotionally close before they want sex. Yet I've met a lot of couples in my work as a sexual therapist who have found that taking the risk and jumping into bed can work really well as a way of getting close again.
Even if you don't feel sexy or loving when you start making love, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way of settling an argument (that's talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct method of getting your feelings back on track - just go to bed together!
Rod Phillips
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Be The Prize - Not The Chaser
In the dating world, it's often a matter of who has the "power" that really decides how things go, you see, the person who is the prize has the power whereas the person who is the chaser does not, if you want to be successful with women then you need to be the prize, not the chaser.
So how can you be the prize?
Well, it's more of a mindset thing to be honest, rather than something you "do", you need to think of yourself as being the prize, you need to show the girl that you are the prize and that she would be lucky to be with you, here area few tips on how to do this:
Be confident - If you are confident then it will show through and send a sort of message that says "I am great and I know it" but not in an arrogant way, it just let's the girl know that you are not desperate to get her to go on a date with you or even spend time with you, in fact, she would actually be lucky if she got to do so, this can be very powerful in getting her to notice you.
Don't be clingy - This is basically a situation in which the guy would relentlessly try and try to get the girl to spend some time with him, this does not do you any good, it makes the girl think that you are desperate for attention and for a women, you need to "play it cool" as they say and make it seem like you want to get with her but if you don't it doesn't really matter to you.
Compliment but not too much - This is a little more difficult to explain but I'll give it a try for you, basically, you want to let the girl know that you think she is sexy or beautiful or whatever you feel comfortable saying to her but you do not want her to think that you are extremely into her, let her know that you are interested but don't make her think that she could just snap her fingers and you would be there.
These are just a few tips for you on how to improve your chances of getting dates with women you desire, I hope you found them helpful and remember, you can be a master of attraction and dating, you just need to learn and practise, so get to it.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Why Techniques Work for Online Dating vs. In Person Dating
How is it that tested and tried techniques are so effective in online dating quests yet they can backfire on real one-on-one dating itself?
The simple answer is that online dating is unnatural; it's a consciously derived system. It's a social tool or mechanism that is somewhat like a virtual reality; it can be learned and applied even statistically for continued success because of it's unnatural nature.
Yes, it's true that you can become very effective at using tested, proven and applied techniques to increase the success ratio of your online dating across the number of different online dating sites.
Ultimately the reason these things can work is because with online dating, women are still looking for a man of value. They are judging each iota of data that they see about a man VERY fast to determine what level of value or quality he has to offer her.
Consider online dating a hyper-extrapolation reality. This is one in which a beautiful woman who gets emailed ALL the time by guys has to sort through all of the different representations to make decisions very fast.
This is done whether you know it or not and it's done based off of what she already sees about you.
If you're posting an online ad, the details DO count because they all add up to form a bigger picture of you very fast.
This includes your headline, photos, profile details and paragraph. Those are the elements which; the higher in quality they are, the better off you'll be.
The best thing to do if you want to be effective at online dating more consistently is to learn from someone who has 'run the numbers' and developed the independent representation of each of those online dating profile components.
They can even tell you the kinds of specific things to 'open' a prospect woman with when emailing her. Things like that will help you stand out from the crowd of other men who are contacting her.
This is one area of 'dating' where it actually helps (and that I unofficially approve of) to potentially make it a 'system'. BUT,
you can be extremely successful at getting girls #'s and even getting first dates off of online but where it all REALLY matters is when you meet her that first time.
That's the real test. If you become an expert at getting first dates but don't have any consistency afterwards; isn't that a waste of time?
I don't have to run massive numbers because when I get first dates, they become second dates and soforth because the women are interested.
I propose that if you're in a situation like this, to actually work on yourself so that you can have more of a 'close ratio' than running the numbers. It saves everyone time.
If you're trying to continue the dating game by running more techniques of what to say and how to act around her on the date, it's likely you won't have many second dates.
Techniques aren't where it's at in the real dating game. They work great to help you get dates online but don't confuse the two. You actually have to BE an interesting man of high character and value who is comfortable in his own skin when you're on the dates themselves.
Use proven techniques to get more dates online if you want (I've just been myself and will still get a small percentage but each one I get matters). But what really matters is if you ARE that man (or greater) than you said you were, and is SHE interested. Getting a lot of first dates can be some bragging rights, but not if you rarely take it further than that.
Combine online dating techniques to get more first dates AND be the guy who consistently gets second dates and you'll have more dates and women who want to be with you than your time can handle.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm currently living one. You watch other couples walk down the street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday and you can't do anything but envy them. So how can a long distance relationship work? How can you keep on loving someone if you can't even see them?
The answer is…it depends on how much you want it to work. True love can overcome any odds thrown in its path if you want it bad enough. So the question is, how do you do it? Well, I do not think that anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can certainly provide some points on making it work.
1. COMMUNICATION is the key.
In every relationship, whether near or far, if communication is taken for granted, it can cause the relationship to quiver until it eventually dies a natural death. That's why in any given circumstance, communication has to be given utmost importance. There are so many available media to ensure that the communication stays open. From snail mails and phone calls to chat systems and e-mails or e-cards. These media can be effective means to convey your hearts desires to your loved ones. Let them know about what you've been doing and thinking because in that way they will feel like they are there with you. This will also help you feel close even though you are miles apart.
2. Send off CARE PACKAGES.
It can be anything — a little gift of flowers; a collection of the letters he has sent you designed artistically into a scrapbook; or your sweetheart's favorite jewelry — it's really only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate on gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping your mind off not being together to a certain extent. Your loved one will see how much effort you put into it and how much you care. Even if it is nothing more than a card,it shows they mean enough to you that you can take the time to let them know. It never takes much money to show a little love with a small gift. Trust me, it can melt a heart!
3. Keep yourself BUSY.
You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes back to you. What if he doesn't come back at all and all you did was sit and get your tummy flabby, won't that make you just miserable? You won't just be stunting your growth as an individual in the process but you'd also be developing emotional insecurities. In order to avoid that, you have to focus yourself on other things while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with your creative nature. If you are a homebody, you can read tons of books which can help you grow intellectually and emotionally or you can choose to lounge before your computer and surf for hours to learn invaluable things over the internet. It's an endless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list and it is up to you to decide whichever you're interested to get involved in. But remember, being "busy" is not an excuse to forget your "special days" and worse yet, your loved one. You're doing it not just to occupy yourself but also to allow yourself to grow even with your lover's absence.
4. HONESTY is the best policy.
The path to true intimacy and connection especially in a long distance relationship is through "total honesty" to each other in the fullest sense of the words. By being authentic and telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc., you are gradually building up a zone of confidence and comfort for both of you. This is very essential if you want your relationship to really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work for a while but it won't take much time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes, telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it will result in the kind of relationship that you really want– a relationship where all the cards are laid in the table.
5. The value of TRUST
Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship. That is because having trust in a relationship takes away doubt. When you trust someone you never have to question their motivation about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid. You must learn to be true to the relationship and must never give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions and quick impulses because these will only bring your relationship down. Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in yourself and your partner. If you two are true to each other and have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love never fails."
6. COMMITMENT is a habit not an achievement
In every relationship, it is a must to be able to learn how to commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships, the very reason why they fail is because both parties couldn't go on with the commitment and they feel too weak to withstand the tribulations of time.If you have committed yourselves to each other without shilly-shallying, then you have a good promise ahead of you.Your comitment to each other will keep the passion alive and the fires burning thus sustaining the growth of the relationship.
7. PATIENCE is a virtue.
Being in a long distance relationship requires being steadfast and persevering. If you aren't this kind of person and you're involved in a long distance relationship, then as much as now, you better try to learn to be patient. Focus your attention on all the positive aspects of the relationship and never give your hopes up. Showing that you value your partner and the relationship and that you are willing to work patiently through it will let them know you truly love them.
8. WEBCAM
This is applicable only for those who have the comfort of having their own personal computers at home.But for those who don't, there are computers-for-rent in cafe's with webcams already attached to the computer system. Having a webcam is actually very fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together but looking at each other's face in the broad screen makes you feel like you're just so close, so near to your loved one. My boyfriend and I use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with smileys and it's melting my heart to see him smile in the cam when he gets my messages.
9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.
It is not everyday that a special day comes so when it does, it must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I speak of special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions, you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call or an extended online time for the evening. Regardless of whether you talk every night or a couple times a week, be sure you both carve out some time for that particular night. If you're too stingy to settle on a lengthy phone call, but have cheap and unlimited online access, plan to send instant messages to each other or meet in a private chatroom somewhere. If you can't be together, at least you can be "talking" and "spending some private moments together".
10. ENJOY LIFE!
Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your "life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?
Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties, distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing up the maturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing such as a long distance relationship. Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.
© 2005 Rachelle Arlin Credo. All rights reserved.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)