So Am I: Projecting Our Qualities

There is this woman at my son's school with whom I have a very bad human connection indeed. I think she is unapproachable, indifferent, and unfriendly. In fact, though I like a few people, there are more people in that school whom I absolutely dislike. In my book they are all indifferent, unapproachable, and unfriendly.

On the other hand I have a great human connection with my piano teacher, now a friend, who is just delightful, warm, interesting, generous, and very intelligent. Ditto for my son who is also very intelligent, sensitive, caring, loving, and absolutely hilarious.

How is that that I have great and not so great relationships with different people? What is there that makes me like and be liked as well as hated (or disliked) and hateful (or despising)? Why do I recognize negative qualities in some people and positive qualities in other people?

The answer is very simple: I am just mirroring myself in these people. As we hate to realize it, the truth is that we all have positive and negative qualities (according to our values, of course) that we project onto others, thus, some people push our buttons whereas others just delight us.

It is, thus, crucially important to know who are we exactly, so we can transform all our relationships into positive and gratifying ones. To know our qualities we need only make two lists. For each list, get a piece of paper and make a line in the middle.

In the first sheet, do the following:

1. Write on top: Qualities I appreciate in others.

2. On the left hand side of the paper, write the names of people you most admire. They can be real people or imaginary characters, dead or alive, that you have or have not known personally; it matters not.

3. On the right hand side of the paper, for each person, write all the qualities you most admire in them.

4. Keep doing this until you have written qualities for all of the people in that list.

5. Do not repeat qualities. Write them only once.

In the second piece of paper do the same, only this time, you will write: "Qualities I despise in others," meaning all the negative qualities certain people have that you truly despise, even hate. Now, pay attention that you should not write about behavior but qualities only.

For example: Hitler = mass murderer. Mass murderer is a behavior, not a quality. You could write instead: Hitler = unsympathetic (to put it mildly). See the difference?

When you are done with both lists write the following at the bottom of each page:

<b>I see these qualities in others because I too, have them.

</b> Ouch! How can I compare myself with that despicable man?

Now is the time to reflect about each of our negative qualities, the ones we are sure NOT to have but which, indeed we do, in a subtle or not so subtle way. In our example: unsympathetic. Ok; the guy condoned the murderer of millions of people. In what way are we being and doing the same? You don't need to go far. If you are not a vegetarian, you already have an answer. (This is a lame comparison, I know. I just want to give an example.)

See? It is not difficult at all to see where our projections go. Try it and I guarantee your relationships are about to change radically for the better.

By the way: For some reason, I can't care less about the people in that school. I, too, am indifferent, unapproachable, and unfriendly. It is up to me to change the situation. Once I change, everything will fall into place beautifully.

Relationships are Opportunities

Relationships are opportunities to express yourself physically, and gratitude is acknowledgement of an opportunity taken.

How do you see yourself in relationship to all others and your environment? Do you see yourself, as kind/cruel, loving/hateful, generous/stingy, peaceful/restless or something else?

If you know yourself as one of these, then you will have a desire to express yourself in some way.

Relationships are opportunities to express these aspects of self. An opportunity is nothing more than a time and place to demonstrate that you are a kind person or a cruel person or whatever. All of life needs to express itself, and getting involved with another is that opportunity that you have drawn to yourself to say "here I am," "I am kind," "I am cruel," or anything else that you wish to express.

This is the purpose of the relative world. It is the forum, the time and place to experience what you believe that you are and to declare it.

Personal relationships with lovers, partners, family, relatives, friends and strangers facilitate expression of your being. Without relationships you would be nothing because you could not express yourself and you could not declare that you are one thing or the other.

You cannot demonstrate love unless you have the opportunity to experience love, and you cannot say that you are loving unless you have the opportunity to be loving.

With the opportunity to express oneself in a relationship comes the responsibility to express gratitude for the opportunity. Gratitude is merely an acknowledgement of having a thing. It is a declaration of ownership.

If you have received a thing, then you must acknowledge it before it becomes yours. "I am grateful," merely says that I have received what I desired.

All relationships work, because they are opportunities to express yourself positively or negatively. They may be accepted or rejected, but nevertheless they are opportunities and they must be acknowledged through gratitude. It is the human condition to say that a relationship worked or it didn't, but at a different perspective all relationships work. With this higher thought, one begins to see all of life as a giant buffet. One begins to see abundance and opportunity in an endless sea of choices. And because this new awareness sets one free to choose, you will always see opportunity and welcome relationships, good or bad!

Marriage and divorce are such opportunities. They are perfect times to express your higher self and your darkest side. Close partnerships bring the best opportunities because they are the closest and most difficult to turn away from. There is urgency to react to the issues at hand because they are in your face.

They are wonderful opportunities to act or react in your own best interest. The person in you life that you are at odds with the most, offers you the greatest opportunity to demonstrate who you are.

"Good or bad," "right or wrong," are poor ways to describe relationships. All relationships are good, and all relationships work for you, even if it is an opportunity to walk away from them. And all of these opportunities are drawn to you by yourself because of your desire to express yourself.

The driver that cuts you off in traffic brings opportunity for you to react. At that moment at some level of your consciousness you need to experience, anger, pity, tolerance or understanding. This careless driver is an Angel (opportunity) that you asked for, whether you can fully appreciate it in the moment or not. In a higher state of awareness you would bless him/her for their gift (opportunity) to you.

Even in so called failing relationships there are just as many opportunities to express or experience yourself because there really is no such thing as a failing relationship. There is only an opportunity for you to see that the relationship as failing or not. There are new opportunities here to restore the relationship, walk away from it or turn it into something even better or worse. There is a chance to suffer in it or rise above it.

Physical love is a poor reason to enter into a relationship blindly. Love is life, and life moves. Unless the partners are prepared to grow in a relationship it is doomed to fail in physical terms. Relationships must always be a declaration of self growth and opportunity.

Over time, physical love may no longer be experienced but the opportunities for growth never dies and one may still be able to express gratitude for the opportunity that the partner has brought them. If relationships are seen as opportunities then it is always a win/win experience for all persons involved.

Relationships are also opportunities for one to reflect on self. If you can put yourself into the position of the silent observer, you can reflect on your experience and make adjustments to your thoughts about all the issues that came up. You can choose to see the relationship as only positive and beneficial to you.

Relationships that are seen as only good or bad, right or wrong are doomed to only those choices. Seen as opportunities, they all become beneficial and good. Relationships cannot be experienced as good or beneficial until they are acknowledged through an expression of gratitude.

Don’t Trust Emotion

Don't trust an emotional person. Emotions are fickle, and that person who trusts those emotions, is putting their faith in their ego. Those emotional people are very happy, but they are also very sad. They don't realize that the two are connected. When you trust the very happy, you must trust the very sad, and the emotional person does not.

Don't trust the unemotional person. Unemotional people are not fickle. But unemotional people don't really know what they feel. They think. They trust those thoughts and think they are right, but they are also fifty percent wrong. They don't realize that the two are connected. When you think you are right all the time, you are afraid of being wrong. When you trust right, you must trust wrong, and the unemotional person does not.

Trust spontaneous people. If you have down syndrome, or you are a child, or you have been taught well by nature, you forget to self improve, self indulge, self develop, self admire, self compare, self expect, and self ish. When a person forgets to be something other than real, they just do what is necessary and let the world take care of happy and sad, right and wrong. You can trust a person who is spontaneous, they'll challenge you by accident, and reward you by accident.

Trust people who don't speak, silent people cannot lie. So trust teachers who don't teach, and lovers who don't try to change you, and mothers who don't try to fix you and fathers who don't try to develop and strengthen you. Trust those who are content, and the rest, just love.

Live with Spirit - Chris Walker

Find Romance

As much as the proponents of online dating would like to protest, internet is filled with predators who are constantly prowling and lurking around to see how they can take advantage of gullible of surfers.

I am sure that if you have been online chat rooms, you would have stories to tell about your experiences and how someone actually tried to take advantage of your presence. With all these horror stories, online dating is still extremely popular and thanks to the couples who have had the courage to disregard all what they have heard and gone ahead and found their perfect partners.

Online dating opens a whole new dimension for you where geographic boundaries and language barriers become inconsequential. Online dating allows you to meet people such like you who are looking for a soul mate and the choice is so astounding that it becomes difficult to choose.

In the past online dating was not for na?. One had to take so many precautions that left you wondering whether the entire effort was worth it. Wouldn't it have been better if you just went out with the acne faced pastor's son who knows you from the time you were in pigtails? Anyone reluctant to share information on online dating obviously has something to hide and your alarm sirens would start beeping like mad even if you think the person was perfect for you.

However, in order to combat these situations, many online dating sites have resorted to prescreening applicants to ensure that the applications are genuine and people registering are normal and not looking to take advantage. However, you are still advised by these sites to take your own precautionary measures before agreeing to meet your prospective partner.

Online dating is fun and you can be sure that there is someone perfect waiting for you somewhere. If you take all the precautionary measures, you can be sure you will find the person you have been waiting all your life for. Online dating allows you to meet people of different shapes and sizes, different age groups and nationalities. Do not let skeptics and cynics stop you.

Dating chat up lines for men

Here are some chat up lines that men can use with women. If they

don't work, I suggest that you investigate online dating.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by

again?

I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we

shared a cab home.

You might not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but

beauty is only a light switch away.

That's a sexy dress you are wearing. It would look even better

on my bedroom floor.

What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

Hello, I'm Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

It's your lucky day. My girlfriend dumped me last night, so I'm

back on the singles market.

Hello, I'm a stranger in this town, could you direct me to your

house?

I didn't know that Miss America lived here

Dating Advice: There Is This One Special Girl I’m Longing For…

Be honest. It has happened to all of us. There was this girl… A girl you might have never even talked to… But still… You couldn't help but think about her all day… And the more you thought about her, the less courage you had to go up to her and invite her for a get-together.

The above situation repeats itself from time to time. Back in high school with the girl who went one class below you, at university with that wonderful woman who always sat in the second row or later with the lady who works at the room next to yours.

And the damn feeling, this one-sided "love" keeps reappearing and making your life a misery. The more you idolize these girls, the further they go from your reality, and being with them one day in the future becomes nothing more than a mere fantasy.

Lesson #1: In a relationship but more importantly, when going out for the first time with somebody, it's always the person with less emotional involvement who dictates and chooses. This means if you go out with a girl, and you let your happiness depend on how the date goes, you are ruining your chances before you had any. The more you stress yourself about a certain girl, the more emotionally involved you become and as a result, you are almost GUARANTEED to get rejected.

Lesson #2: Girls like to look up to their men for something. If you ask some girls who are in love with their partners, they will always adore him for something in his personality. It doesn't matter why, but a woman has to look up to her man. If you idolize a girl and put her on a pedestal, she will sense it instantly. She will feel that SHE IS THE ONE IN CONTROL. As soon as this happens, you are NOT A CHALLENGE for her anymore. The result? You get rejected.

Lesson #3: When you have to work hard for your chocolate, it will always taste sweeter. If you walk into the supermarket and choose one from the huge collection of sweets, there is no challenge in it. But when you have to work hard to get that "one special" chocolate… Now that's a CHALLENGE! It's the same with women. If you are not that easy to get, if she senses that you might leave (and don't come back) in any moment, she will be challenged and likely to become attracted to you.

Have you ever seen 8 guys drooling over the same woman, fighting for her attention? Which one of them do you think has got the girl? The 9 th, who was watching from a distance while showing no interest towards her. The girl thought: "Why doesn't he come here like all the other guys? Doesn't he like me? I must find out why…" In the end, it was the girl who approached the guy and wanted something from him. Now that's the POWER OF CHALLENGE and CURIOSITY. Never underestimate it!

When you think you "love" a girl you have never even talked to, you keep going round and round in a vicious circle. You keep playing with the thought of being with this "one special girl" in various situations. This projection of pictures in your mind creates a lot of energy. This energy wants to explode and unless it can do so (by being with the girl you dream about) it will create a lot of stress and tension inside you. It's an endless loop. If you try to ignore the feeling with force, it will reappear and become even stronger.

Realize that this is not "real love"; it's just a form of LUST TO POSSESS. You don't even know this girl; you are just driving yourself around in this circle. The solution? First, admit this feeling to yourself, then carry on with your life. Don't ignore it; just notice that it's inside and you can't do anything about it. Try to watch yourself from "the outside", from a neutral point of view. And the second step is to focus your energy on something else. Like going out and meeting other women. As soon as you kiss or get closer to another girl, this "one special lady" will be of less importance to you.

Lastly, there is a secret. Even the biggest badass players get this feeling from time to time. They just learn to deal with it, and thanks to their skills, it's easier for them to get other women and focus on them instead. You can do yourself two big favors. First, learn to get over your fear and approach the woman you are longing for. That way even if you get rejected, it happens sooner and you haven't wasted weeks or months from your life. The second is to learn how to get women. Not only for knowing how to deal with this girl, but with that skill, it will also be easier to heal your wounds and get over her.

I teach both of these in a book I've written. It's an e-book called "All About Women: The Encyclopedia Of Seduction". Apart from the above, I cover each step of the seduction process, from A to the Z. From understanding the way women think, to learning to be a Man who attracts girls with his presence, approaching women the right way, secrets of making your dates successful and effective, improving your sexual life and a lot, lot more… Whether you are ugly, bald, young, old or broke, the techniques I teach will work for you like charm!

Pen Pals For Dating And Romance

The term "pen pals" seems on the face of it rather old-fashioned, especially in the context of the Internet with its instant messaging, chat rooms and social bookmarking sites. "Pen pals" as a term seems to come from a by-gone age when people would spend a couple of hours penning a letter on thick patterned paper, dipping into an ink well a long white quill pen made from a swan's feather. But don't be misled by this.

The term "pen pals" has persisted into the Internet age, and come to mean different things to different people. It still has its original meaning of remote friends in different parts of the world who you write to. But for many singles, becoming a pen pal is seen as a way into using the online personals for single dating.

Seeing yourself as a single pen pal who is seeking other single pen pals, has many advantages when it comes to dating online. To begin with it offers that extra layer of protection or insulation that allows you to say if necessary: I'm just here as a pen pal, I am not interested in romance. It's a potential last resort, if the going gets tough.

Being a single pen pal also gives you the advantage of time. As a single pen pal you can take your time with a new contact, getting to know the other person and only gradually sounding that person out as a potential dating partner. You can also have many such contacts on the go at the same time, providing you with the opportunity to see which ones might be romantically inclined and which not.

However, time can also work against you. If you spend all your time chatting to people who are ultimately not going to become potential dating partners then that may be time lost, depending on whether you see online friendships as an end in themselves or not. If you have plenty of time to chat to people online, if you are young and not in a hurry to find a dating partner, then this may well be a good approach for you. At the very least, it feels safer.

Certainly when you approach dating through the route of pen pals — or more directly — online dating gives you the advantage that you have the time to "suss somebody out", rather than trying to weigh her or him up in the short space of an hour or two in the heady context of an actual date.

That is the big advantage lent to dating by the Internet; the disadvantage is that you cannot see somebody face-to-face and see their body language, and so be in a position to make judgments about them and their potential as a dating partner based on these 'traditional' factors. So, see online single dating for what it is, a system that has its limitations but does give you the advantage of time — so long as you are not in too much of a hurry — an advantage of time that can sometimes be better utilized by becoming a pen pal.

Relationship Advice For Valentines Day

Valentines Day is again once upon us. Many of us have already made plans to spend a romantic evening with our significant other. If you haven't already made plans, you still have time. Many couples traditionally make plans to go out for a romantic dinner for two, maybe see a movie afterwards. Many choose to stay in the comfort of their own home and spend the night by a crackling fire. Whatever you decide, make sure it's genuine, romantic, and from the heart.

Women love it when their man takes the time to plan something special for them, especially on Valentines Day. Be sure to tell the special woman in your life, how much you love her. It's ok to drop the macho act this one particular day out of the year. Pour your soul out to her. Let her know how special she really is to you. How much she means to you, and how lucky you are to have her in your life. Let her know how much of a better man you have become since the two of you have been together.

After you have completely melted her heart with the release of your feelings, it will be time to wine and dine her. Don't be a tightwad this year, and spend the money on this special occasion. Take her to her favorite restaurant, or cook her favorite meal. Take her to see the chick flick you know she's been dying to see. Take her shopping at her favorite store. Good lord man, pamper this woman like there is no tomorrow. If you do all of this and can go all night without saying something stupid, then the dividends of your efforts should pay out for months!

Now some free advice for you women. First off, be ready to go at a descent time. Be prepared and start getting ready about one hour before you normally do when you go out. This should ensure that you leave the house on time. This way your man will not be so anxious, and be tempted to say something stupid causing you to snap at him. This is a bad way to start off this special evening. Remember, it's better to be lovers than to be fighters.

Make sure that your extra sexy for him this evening. Trust me. Your man loves it when you are exceptionally beautiful and confident with him in public. Make sure you maintain both physical and eye contact throughout dinner. Rub his hands from across the table, or if you are setting next to him, rub his thigh to let him know you appreciate the effort he has put forward for you this special day of love.

Let your man know how much you appreciate him. Let him know how thankful you are to have such a real man in your life. Let him know how safe and secure you feel with him. When you get home after a romantic night out on the town, let him know that you had a wonderful time and offer him a backrub for his efforts. He will be putty in your hands after this. Now it's time to put on that sexy little outfit you bought just for him.

Well I think we all know where these special romantic evening end up from here, provided all went well and we as men were fortunate enough not to say any thing too stupid throughout the evening. I think if we both as partners follow these basic outlines of mutual respect, love, and appreciation, will come to appreciate the fact that we truly are lucky to have such a wonderful person in our lives with whom we can share our secrets and our passions with.

First Date - Tips for Women

You are on your way to your first date with him. Probably a blind date. Here are some basic things you need to know, in order to make it a successful one or what you should do if things go wrong. (This article has been made with the help of my wife, Mona)

<ul>

<li> Don't come to the date without makeup. You could be one of them that prefer the "natural look" but that doesn't mean that you can't magnified your natural beauty. He will have enough chances to see you as you are, if all will go well after this date. </li>

<li> On the other hand, don't over do it. You are not on your way to a Marlin Manson's concert. You are not a 100 years old yet and you don't need to cover your wrinkles up just yet. If you have beautiful eyes, let him see them. The same goes with your lips or other parts of your face. </li>

<li> Don't be late! Yes. They say that he needs to wait for you and that you can use the "fashionably late" term, but that leaves bad impression and it will be a pity to start like that. </li>

<li> Don't come to the date with the impression of "why am I coming to this date anyway? This is a waste of my time." If you really think like that, cancel it. Just do it nicely and tell him that. Don't let him wait for you there without knowing that you are not coming. </li>

<li> Be light. Laugh with him from his jokes, but don't overreact. Men can "smell" it, and that's a turn off. </li>

<li> Eat and drink, but don't overdo it unless your attentions are to make him run away. </li>

<li> Take a chance. If you really like this guy, ask for his number. Yes, traditionally, it is him that needs to make the first move, but don't you think that we are over those days? If you feel like dancing with him, ask him. This is also your chance to "test" things

The Shy Guy Advantage

Anne and I know a shy guy