Relationship Advice: 3 Kinds of Love

There are three kinds of love:

love as a feeling, love as a decision/choice, and love as an action.

The confusion of these three kinds of love is the cause of much needless pain and suffering.

In an attempt to clear up this confusion, let's take a closer look at each of these three kinds of love.

Love as a feeling.

Oh, what a feeling. Let's face it, falling in love feels great. So does being in love. Throughout the centuries, poets, writers and singers have all extolled the glories of being in love.

Only problem is that it doesn't last.

Sorry to bring you back to Earth with such a jolt, but let's be honest. The emotional high that we feel just doesn't last on a day-to-day basis.

Remember the phrase "and they lived happily ever after"? Even though this phrase can be found at the end of most fairy tales, our culture seems to have accepted it as fact.

"Well," you might be saying at this point, "aren't we sounding cynical today." Maybe so, but if you'll hang in there with me, reader, it's going to get better really quick.

It's natural and normal for the feeling of love to ebb and flow in a relationship. That's why it's so important to understand that in addition to love as a feeling there are two other kinds of love.

Love as a decision/choice

Love is also a decision and a choice. There are times when we do not feel like loving in any way. In relationships, however, we are called to love even when we don't feel like it (sometimes especially when we don't feel like it).

Authors Gary Smalley and John Trent said:

"Every enduring marriage involves a commitment to an imperfect person."

What this means on a day-to-day basis is this: We may sometimes say to ourselves when thinking about our partner,

"You know, I really don't like you very much today."

Then this needs to be followed by, "and I'm going to love you anyway."

The choice and decision to love, even when we don't feel like it provides the sense of security necessary in a relationship to make it through the inevitable rough waters.

Love as an action

In addition to being a feeling and a choice, love is also a verb.

We can have the feeling of love, we can decide to love, we can understand all that there is to understand about our relationship, but we won't get very far until we take action.

Some couples I have worked with are very good at describing what is wrong with the relationship and/or the other person. It reminds me of what actor and comedian Lily Tomlin once said:

"I personally believe we developed language because of our deep need to complain."

One of the biggest myths about marriage goes something like this:

"If you really loved me, then you would (know what to do, know what to say, know what I like, etc.)."

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Instead of complaining about our partner's behavior, we can simply ask for (request) what we would like. Sometimes that will be a request to do something. Other times it may be a request not to do something.

It goes something like this:

"I would like you to (fill in the blank)."

Then your partner gets to say either "Yes, I can do that" or "No, I won't do that, because (fill in the blank). What else could I do that would meet that need?"

In this way, we can put hands and feet onto the feeling of love. The really curious thing is that when we decide to love and take action in this way, it can lead us back to that feeling of love.

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship

One of the advantages of using an online dating site is that you can meet a large number of singles who share your interests and passions. The disadvantage is that there is a good chance that when you do fall in love, your new flame will hail from another city, state, or even another country.

Although loving someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away can present unique challenges for a couple, surviving a long distance relationship can form a stronger and more secure bond. Here are five tips for creating a romantic atmosphere, even when you cannot physically be together.

<b>1. Have a Date Night</b>

One of the hardest things about being apart is not being able to do "normal" couple things. However, with a bit of creativity, you can still go on dates. For example, rent the same movie and watch simultaneously, while you talk together on the telephone or through instant messenger. Create a romantic mood by dimming the lights and lighting candles.

<b>2. Play a Game Together</b>

Couples that play together, stay together. Luckily, the internet provides a wide variety of games that you can play with each other. Fantasy games like Everquest, board games like Chess or Scrabble, and card games like Canasta or Poker are just a few of the choices available.

<b>3. Fill a Calendar with Reminders</b>

Let your sweetie know that you're always together in your thoughts by buying a day calendar and filling it with reminders. Mark special occasions like your anniversary, the next time you'll see each other, and romantic holidays on it. On days in between, leave love notes and reminders of wonderful times you've had together. Have a calendar custom-made with pictures of you to make it even more romantic.

<b>4. Give a Kiss for Each Day You're Apart</b>

To help make it easier to bear the time apart, send your lover a treat for each day that you're separated. A Hershey's Kiss, for example, or a box of love letters and poems, with a new note to open each morning will brighten your beloved's day. Surprise kisses are good, too

How-To: Avoid The Bootie Call Syndrome!

Women around the world know what a "bootie call" is, some of us have been in the predicament and the rest of us only hear the sad stories of those who have been sucked into world of bootie-calls only to be heart broken. What most of us don't hear about is how to avoid the entire bootie-call situation to begin with and that's what you'll learn to do in this detailed article

5 Steps to Keep a Relationship Fresh and Exciting

1.Date your partner

Do you still remember your 1st date with the person you really liked or fell in love with? Were you not excited about it? Sure you were! Do you want to know how exciting a relationship can help you enhance your marriage? Let us tell you that it is still very vivid in our minds the excitement we had in our first date. Perhaps we may not remember all the details but we can surely not forget how we felt. All attention was just towards each other and as the saying goes "the world seemed to have stopped." And you wished the night would never end.

Well then, continue to date your partner reliving those moments to keep the freshness and closeness of your relationship. It's knowing how exciting a relationship can inspire both of you. It's a precious moment were you both can freely communicate leaving behind the daily work, chores and problems. It's a time to relax and just enjoy each other's presence after a busy week.

My wife and I go out a least once a week to our favorite coffee shops where we like to dream-build. We also know of a couple, friends of ours who said that Friday night is their night out together. They would normally have dinner and watch a movie after. They will not accept any appointments or invitations from anyone on Friday nights.

2. Take time to give your partner a call during the day

Once again, I remember the days I was courting my wife. The phone was just glued to my ears. It was difficult to say goodbye on the phone. Every chance I got, I would try to call her and her voice was music to my ears. Didn't you experience this somehow? Sure you did! Now after being married for many years, in spite of my busy schedule in the office I still will get a chance to call my wife from the office just to greet her.

3. Send SMS messages

Majority of the people today have mobile phones. This is a great tool also for us to send greetings or sayings to our loved ones. We can be so caught up in the rat race that can take all of our time, with a mobile phone, there is no excuse to send a message or call our loved one using this great invention of communication for a lot of times we may not have the time to buy a card from the bookstore.

4. Always look good for your partner, don't be sloppy

When I was courting my wife, I remember how I tried to look my best for her. I stayed long in fact in the mirror to make sure everything was in the right place like my hair; I saw to it that my clothes had the right color combination and if they were pressed well etc.

Have you watched movies and even read comics that portrayed reality of married people who after many years the wife dress sloppily at home with curlers on her hair in a loose house-dress? The husband doesn't shave daily and wears his favorite torn t-shirt? This definitely removes the romance between them that cannot bring the excitement of seeing each other. We have heard a lot of couples complain about this and also complain that their partners too don't care to keep their figures in shape anymore. They make the excuse that the other should accept him or her, as they promised in their marriage, for better or worse. This can be a reason for a start to a failure in marriage.

Don't do this to one another. Always look your best to make your partner happy and only have eyes for you.

5. Jot down important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries etc.

This may seem insignificant for many, but mind you, this is a big thing especially for wives. Women in general are very sentimental and as they say, it's the thought that counts. I remember my sister in law's experience in their 1st year of marriage. Her husband one day asked her the date of her birthday because he had to write it for a document. This made her furious because she couldn't believe he didn't remember. It wasn't a big deal for my brother in law but that created their 1st big fight because for the wife it was inconceivable that if he loved her, for him not to know much about her. From that time on he made sure he won't forget to send her flowers or at least to give her a birthday card.

In fact, its always nice to give surprises once in awhile on these special occasions. It doesn't have to be expensive but again, it's the thought that counts. You may think of other ways of exciting a relationship because there is no limit to your creativity.

Online Dating Tips To Improve Your Chances Of Getting A Date

When the phenomenon of Online Dating sites started several years ago, it was no were near as popular as it is today.

All the stigma of Online Dating is gone. Online Dating has gone main stream and is, not only acceptable, but expected. Online Dating has become the primary tool of single people of all ages to generate an interesting and rewarding social life.

Just face it, we are busy guys. We just simply do not have the time, the energy, or the financial where-with-all to date several nights each week while we look for the one. You can sort through hundreds of profiles in a month for less money than you would spend on one evening out, thus, saving time and money.

We use the Internet to save ourselves time and money for a lot of things like investments, shopping, medical information, and communications. Why not make use of such a useful tool for our social and personal lives as well? You could find the love of your life. At the very least, you will meet some interesting people and possibly make some lasting friendships. It is easy to get started.

All you need is a computer and an Internet connection. You'll need to search for Online Dating services that meet your specific needs. They are many and varied.

Join one or two. Then you'll need to write a great profile, upload a recent picture of yourself and start making and answering contacts. That really is all there is to it, that and patience.

Do not wait any longer to start your new and interesting social life. Miss or Ms. Right could be only a few clicks of the mouse away.

Honesty is REALLY the BEST policy.

When you join an Online Dating service, you are looking for a girl that you can like, even come to love. That girl is looking for a guy that SHE can like or even love. What you aren't looking for is a girl who would like your best friend or your idea of what the perfect guy looks like or talks like or thinks like.

So, in order to find the right girl for you and she IS out there, you need to be completely honest with yourself about yourself when writing the online profile, during the dating process and beyond.

The best way to begin writing your profile is to carefully analyze your past relationship(s). What was right? What was wrong? What things really made you like the last girl? Which didn't?

Don't assume that just because you hated that your last girl was so totally self-involved that she couldn't see anything else, you'll be able to overlook that quality this time. You won't.

If you aren't 6 ft 1 with a six-pack to be proud of, don't claim to be. If you are a bar tender, don't claim to be a lawyer with a six figure income. If you are 40 going on 50, don't pretend to be 30 something.

Remember, the idea here is to find a girl who will like you exactly like you are. If you have lied in your profile, the first face-to-face meeting will remove all her doubt that you are a liar and probably a cheat, as well.

Lastly, once you have found a girl that you believe can be the one for you, for goodness sakes, cancel your membership to the Online Dating service. After all, you know and she knows that Online Dating services are intended for those who are looking, not those who have found or been found.

Marriage: It’s Not Dating Anymore

A friend once said that I have a keen grasp on the obvious. You might have been sarcastically thinking the same thing when you read the title of this article. After all, everyone knows that marriage is not dating. Right?

Wrong. Odds are that either you or your spouse (or both) expected much of what happened while you dated to continue into marriage.

<b>Before and After</b>

Let me illustrate with a typical example. "Jessica" is married to "Will." During their dating years, Jessica wore her hair shoulder-length because she knew Will liked it. Often on Saturdays, she and Will would go watch his favorite team play football. Though Jessica wasn't a football fan, she enjoyed spending time with Will and knew he enjoyed watching the games with her. She cheered for his team, and Will assumed she genuinely enjoyed going to the games with him.

The couple talked to each other on the phone nearly every night, sharing feelings, dreams, frustrations and the events of their days. Jessica appreciated Will's openness, and Will enjoyed talking with someone who had so much in common with him. Many times on Friday nights, Will would take Jessica to a nice restaurant for supper. Jessica especially enjoyed the flowers that Will gave her when she met him at the door.

Over time, Will saved his money and bought Jessica a diamond ring. When he asked her to marry him, she gladly said yes and the two were married a few months later.

Both were happy for the first year, but about half way into their second year things began to change. Jessica took her mother's advice to alter her hairstyle to something shorter and "easier to manage." She didn't consult Will on this change because, as her beautician said, "It's not his hair." When Jessica came home, Will noticed the change in hairstyle.

"Do you like it?" Jessica asked with a smile on her face. Will hesitated, but answered "yes" so that he wouldn't hurt her feelings. But Will's feelings were hurt because she didn't ask for his opinion about a change in her hairstyle until after the fact. As a result, he felt a little distant from Jessica.

To make matters worse, Jessica stopped going to football games with Will. At first, she told Will that she had too much to do around the house to go with him. After several rejections, Will stopped asking her and began going to the games by himself.

Because of the distance developing between them, Will stopped calling Jessica from work. It started when he occasionally forgot to phone her on his breaks but slowly ended completely. He also stopped bringing Jessica flowers because he didn't want to stop on his way home from a tiring day at the office. As the distance grew between them, Will stopped sharing the events of his day with Jessica. When she asked him how his day was, Will usually sighed and said "fine."

A year later, the two sat in a marriage counselor's office, considering divorce. Unfortunately, this is a very common situation that we see quite often at Family Dynamics.

<b>The Good Ole Days</b>

Back during the days you dated your spouse, you probably dressed in a way that made you as attractive as possible to them and treated him or her like gold. More than likely, you spent hours on the phone talking to each other and shared dreams, opinions and concerns. You may have gone to a movie or event that you didn't particularly enjoy because you knew that your boyfriend or girlfriend wanted to go.

More than likely, neither of you thought marriage would change those things.

It might surprise you to know that many of the problems married couples face would end if they would reinstate a "dating attitude" into their relationships. Likewise, engaged couples and newlyweds should continue these principles in marriages and make constant efforts to maintain them. It takes work and planning, but the rewards are well worth it.

<b>Don't Mess with Success</b>

If your spouse thought you would stop doing the things that won them over in the beginning, do you think he or she would have agreed to marry you?

Married life obviously brings stresses that dating life does not. You might even say that dating life is more like a dream and married life is the real world. It's true we can't keep everything that we liked about dating in a marriage. But we can keep many of the things that led us to marriage in the first place.

Don't misunderstand; it is not acceptable for a spouse to erase their commitment to the other because he or she changes. But it is important that neither of you mess with success if you want to remain happily married. Obviously, he chose her based on her actions and personality while dating/courting. She chose him based on the same. If one spouse changes that later, the other might feel tricked or even betrayed.

Therefore, as much as is realistic, you should do the things you did in the early days of your relationship. After all, that's what won the heart of your spouse. And that's what will probably continue to win their heart.

If things aren't going well in your marriage, try going back to the beginning. You might be surprised how much your relationship improves.

Your Guide To Online Dating Safety!

The use of online dating resources can have the same benefits, and also the same pitfalls as conventional offline dating systems. Hopefully, I can outline in this article most of the benefits and problems associated with online dating.The sole purpose of using an online dating service is to enable you to meet the perfect date. Hopefully you would also meet a life time friend. Online dating however, has huge differences to that of finding and meeting a date in the offline world. There are a number of helpful tips which you should be aware of to ensure that your online dating experience will be as safe and as positive as possible.

When the time comes to meet the online date of your choice, you will probably be feeling rather excited and also suffer from some nervous anticipation. The whole experience can give you a huge thrill; however it is of the utmost importance that you put yourself on the defensive during the first meet. You must bear in mind that this person is a complete stranger; you will know absolutely nothing about this person. Remember; although the vast majority of people who make use of online dating are honest and genuine people, there are a small number of unsavory characters who you should be wary of. There are of course things you can do to help make the first date safe and also exciting:

Never ever arrange for your date to pick you up from your home address, always arrange to meet up somewhere instead. If the date doesn't work out, you will be safe in the knowledge that they cannot pester you, as they do not have your address.Always meet somewhere which is public, say a restaurant or maybe a caf?You need to be certain that there are a lot of people around, just in case things go wrong. It might be a good idea to arrange a double date or meet up with a group of friends, this way you won't be alone with a complete stranger on your first date. Remember, it is your safety which is the most important thing during the first date.Offer to pay for half of the meal or drinks etc. Doing this, will ensure that you do not feel obliged to return the favor if your date pays for everything.Do not consume too much alcohol. With alcohol you will lose your inhibitions and this will seriously affect your judgment. If you must drink alcohol on your first date, always ensure that you keep your drink in full view at all times; this is to prevent anyone slipping something nasty into it. Try not to get drunk, this is your first date and you must remain in control.Let someone you trust know where you are going. It would also be a good idea, to have someone call you on your mobile phone at a given time, to ensure that you are ok.Arrange your own transport to and from the date. Never get into your dates car. Remember, this is a stranger.Following all of these basic rules your online dating experience will be a fun and exciting time. Always practice safety, always be in control.

Less is More

Ask yourself, is it better to describe an accomplishment or allude to it? Picture this, someone asks you what your greatest moment is. You tell them, and they are impressed. Picture also yourself saying, "I've done a few things..", and then letting your confidence and lack of eagerness in responding, communicate that you have absolutely nothing at stake and have nothing to prove - meaning you are operating at a higher level.

A woman asks, "so tell me about yourself?". The natural response many men have is to tell her about themselves. But what if you were to say, "can't think of anything at the moment…so what's the story behind that shiny bracelet?". Which do you think is more attractive? And how much more powerful would it be if you said stuff like this all the time? The subtle behaviors you would display would be more profound if this attitude came from inside of you - the attitude that you don't have to impress anyone. You are hinting that success or accomplishment for you is no longer a novelty, because it is such a regular occurance for you. This is all communicated by the way you talk and the way you vibe with others.

All the skills you learn, be it language patterns, NLP, or whatever other seduction tools, must eventually be "forgotten" as all outcome-based mindsets are let go of, and you take on the disinterested, relaxed mindframe of the guy who has nothing to prove, because he knows he's all that. The techniques and skills are simply a by-product of who he is. This is where true success lies.

Copyright © 2006 Vittorio Norman

Internet Dating Russian Single Girl

Dear Darya:

Coming back to San Francisco from Kiev with stops at Munich and London, it was the longest trip I ever took. What a rewarding experience last week in Kharkov ! The whole sequence was like an illusion hanging in my mind on the familiar scenic road approaching home. My driver turned to a long driveway, I saw my garden estate still standing tall in the green pasture under the blue sky. Over looking Silicon Valley in California, it is plush green in winter. What a contrast from snow covered Kharkov where I just visited.

I found my sole mate and lifetime partner in Kharkov! I don't want to link to an old movie "Love story" by O'Neal and McGraw that I enjoyed decades ago, because of the sad ending. Neither is James Bond movie "From Russia with love" style. Rather, it must have made in heaven! I must believe in destination. Sometimes I tried to deviate but somehow it goes back to the original designed course.

Kristina told me that she joined Modinson Agency only a month ago and my introduction letter was the second but when she saw my photo, she expressed in words "love at the first sight". She likes what I wrote to her and vise versa. Kristina showed her kind heart and noble deeds with tremendous love toward children, animals, nature and family. First meeting right after I arrived Kharkov much more exceeded her expectation. Her communicational level in English made following meetings interesting and versatile. Easiest decision in my life. I proposed and she accepted without any hesitation. We took portraits at Modinson studio and went to an immigration lawyer a day after. It seems we were made for each other, even though ten thousand miles apart and decades differences in age. Each time I turn my head to Kristina, to my surprise, she must have stared at me with sincerity for sometime. I then discovered some beautiful features in Kristina's face that I adore. More importantly, Kristina's kind heart and noble characters attracted my each day with her, my love to her become stronger and stronger.

Unloading my traveling gear, I looked my house it seemed suddenly illuminate with warmth. Would Kristina like to decorate this twelve rooms home or she enjoying working in the garden larger than most of the city parks with natural surrounding of oaks, bay trees, maroons, and hundreds of giant sequoias? Great life ahead of us.

This won't happen without the help of Darya of Mordinson, the smartest of all, The response from the Agency is so rapidly that I once thought they work 24 hours a day in the US, thus no time zone difference. She is building a enterprise with a first class new facility. Maxim inherited from his father the skill in photography . I was so impressed on the girls photos and that was a major reason I chose Mordinson and made the trip. Michael, the younger brother, talented in language as well as Economics is a tiger ready to roar. Along with Anna and their parents the family working in sync. What a entrepreneurship spirit in Ukraine !

I just found out from my immigration attorney that a long wait for the fiancee visa is ahead of us. This would be the first test of our lifetime journey.

Good luck with your business and thanks for the help again.

Brent Lee, PhD

What Is The Best Online Dating Site On The Market?

If you are looking for the best site possible there are many variables you must consider before going out and signing up for one because it says it's the best. It all depends on what you consider the best. Do you consider a big online dating site set up for Christians the best? Or a more graphic site that has sexual themes more enticing?

I will discuss the leaders in certain online dating sites so you will know which sites you are more likely to go to.

Religious

If you are looking for a site that is leaned toward a more religious aspect than www.bigchurch.com is probably going to entice you. This is probably one of the best online dating sites for a more religious connection with a partner. It has many other features other than matchmaking. It can be used to find friends also, or even prayer partners. But definitely for the single person trying to find a partner in the world for them.

Serious

E-harmony is probably one of the best online dating sites out there if you are looking for a marital partner in the world and have no clue where to start. Although it's a bit pricey at $50 a month if you are serious about finding the love of your life this site you must check out. It has been on several television commercials and proves its worth.

Sexual themed

Adultfriendfinder.com may be the best online dating site in finding a sexual partner to go out on the town with and have a little fun afterwards. This site may charge on which options you have selected so membership fees fluctuate depending on what things you use on the site. Again the best online dating service for your sexual needs.

Friendly

Myspace.com is the leader in the friend finding and dating industry with growing numbers everyday. This is more teen based but adults use it also. With no fee to sign up stalking may be more of a concern on this site but with the option to set your profile to private there is not much a worry of that. You may also choose to block who and who may not see your profile. With a full customizable page possibilities are nearly endless.

There is no prima-Donna in online dating unless you know what you are looking for in an online dating service. There are many ups and downs for different websites but depending on what you want you can decide on what you think is the best online dating site.