Relationship Advice: D is for Disillusionment

Falling in love is so much fun. It just feels so good.

If only the high lasted the entire relationship. The high naturally subsides. In long term relationships this will usually lead to disillusionment.

<b>Hitting the wall</b>

Just about every couple I see in my office or on the phone have hit the wall of disillusionment. It often gets expressed in these words:

"Who are you and what have you done with the person I fell in love with?"

If you do not get anything else from this article, get this - <b>the is a normal process and event in long term relationships.</b>

<b>What to do</b>

The most important thing is not that this disillusionment happens, but how you handle it. Here are some important strategies for how to respond to hitting the wall of disillusionment.

<b>1. Realize, get it, that this is normal.</b> When you do this, you can take away the panic and power.

<b>2. Think back to what first attracted you to this person in the beginning of the relationship.</b> This goes under the heading of "when you are up to your ass in alligators it's hard to remember that your original intention was to drain the swamp."

You need to shift your focus here by getting reacquainted with the positives of this person.

<b>3. Talk about it.</b> What we don't talk about, we act out. While it may be difficult, have the conversation. You can start by saying "I'm really worried by how far apart we are. Can we talk about this?"

If you cannot talk this out on your own, it's time to find a good relationship coach or counselor.

Remember, hitting the disillusionment wall is normal. What counts is what you do about it.

Googling for Love

Google: (GOO.gul) v. To use an Internet search engine such as Google.com to look for information related to a new or potential girlfriend or boyfriend.

Have you Googled yourself yet? Can anyone resist? If you haven't had the pleasure, here's how:

Go to Google.com, type your name in quotation marks, and see what comes up.

A lot depends on how common your name is (like John Smith). I tend to get references to nobility (that's the Lord part), and the genealogy citations are many. But sure enough, there's my house in Maine (I rent it during the summer from an Internet ad) and stained glass courses that my husband Drew and I have taught. When I add my middle initial B, then the references are pure cyber romance. Yea!

Drew's name gets his scientific publications. If I had googled him when we were courting, I would not have made the embarrassing gaff of bragging about my publications (2). He had me beat hands down. But also, that Google search would have added to his credibility, because he is cited over and over as a scientist and connected with the Army Corps of Engineers. I would have been reassured.

But what if other connections had come up? Somebody with my name is a personnel expert. Also, it sounds as if my name is common in England. Maybe there is worse, buried under my name in the Net.

Seems like it is a good idea to be aware of what comes up if your name is Googled, sort of like keeping track of your credit report. If something negative comes up under your name and it's not you, you need to know that and be able to explain it to another. If it's not so good and IS you, you need to know and explain that, too.

While visiting some of my older relatives recently, they were quite interested in being Googled. My favorite uncle, who has an unusual spelling of his last name, shares that spelling with a rather well known gay porn star. Or at least, we assume the gay porn star and my uncle are not the same guy. The porn star does sound like he has some rather amazing physical attributes. That's the kind of Google citations associated with your name that it is good to know about!

There seems to be some embarrassment associated with Googling a prospective date or partner, but I can't see why that would be so. Unless it appears being a little too interested, like "I can't be bothered to check credentials, even though I have an easy way to do so. This person just doesn't matter that much to me." Why would you want to convey that message?

Especially if you are using the Internet for a mate search, it only makes good sense that you would use one of CyberSpace's best tools to help you make a safe and secure match.

But it also points out the need to keep one's cyber nose clean. It follows that if you are doing something that you wouldn't want anyone to know that you are doing, maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

So Google away!

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

Send Virtual Flowers

Wish to brighten up someone's day with flowers, but having difficulty in doing so? To help add that extra sunshine to someone's life, virtual flowers exist. Without the hassles of flower selection, payment, and delivery, such flowers can be sent free of charge on the Internet. With one click on the mouse, you can choose from hundreds of different pictures of beautiful, enchanting flowers and send it with your own personal message accompanying it. With a valid email address and Internet access, the recipient is sure to receive the virtual flowers.

Online companies such as Virtual Florist, Virtual Flowers, Phillip's 1-800-florals, iflowers.com, Flora 2000, Virtual Cyber Electronic Greeting Cards, Virtual Presents, 123 Greetings, Make Me Happy, Accent Search, Flower of the Month Club, and O'Connor Florist send virtual flowers completely free.

The range of available flowers is immense, and suited to events like birthdays, holidays, weddings, anniversaries, and much more. Lavender, chrysanthemums, roses, lilies, carnations, and many, many other flowers are all displayed on the websites of the aforementioned companies.

Companies usually follow a similar pattern of selection and delivery of virtual flowers. With numerous pictures of beautiful flowers, normally grouped according to the flower types or the occasion, we are given the option to choose our desired flowers. The next step is to fill out the details of your email and the recipient's address, and finally, to add your personal message to the selected virtual flowers card and send it. Your loved one will receive the flowers immediately, or on a date which you would have specified while filling in the necessary details.

“Kick The Cat” Syndrome

Have you ever suffered from

Russian Brides - Who Are They?

In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women have come to the USA and European countries by means of marriage and were unkindly labeled "Russian mail-order brides". But who are these women, really? Why are they prepared to leave everything behind, to go to an unknown country and live with an unknown man? Can a Russian bride really be a good solution for a Western man? We will attempt to demystify the phenomenon of mail-order-brides.

<b>Why do Russian women want to marry foreigners?</b>

There are thousands of dating services featuring young, beautiful Russian women who are looking for Western husbands. There are so many women that it might seem all of the young females in Russia have decided to leave their country. This is only an illusion, though. Russia and Ukraine are very big countries with huge populations, and women who are searching for husbands abroad represent less than 0.01% of all single Russian women.

The girls who place their ads with dating services, hoping to find a husband in the USA or Europe, have various reasons to do so. The most common reason is that they have heard from friends and the media that Western men treat women better than Russian men do. They have heard that drinking isn't such a problem in these Western countries as it is in Russia, and that men actually care for their families.

So, the common perception that mail-order brides are searching for a better lifestyle isn't quite right. In reality, they are searching for a better man than they can get in Russia or Ukraine. See more information about single Russian women who are looking for Western husbands.

<b>What makes Western men to look for a Russian bride?</b>

At first glance, it might seem very strange that so many men are prepared to spend thousands, to bring a foreign wife to their country and struggle with all the differences of language and culture. Wouldn't it be easier to find a decent wife at home?

<b>Western men have many reasons, to look for Russian wives:</b>

<li>Some are fascinated by Russian culture and want a partner who would not only share this fascination, but actually be a part of this culture</li>

<li>Some are middle-aged men, who were unhappy in a previous relationship but are prepared to try again, with a lady who is still young enough to have children. As you know, in Western culture marriages with age differences of 5 years, or more, are not common; so, if a man were 45-50, he would be unlikely to find a partner under 40 years of age, in his own country</li>

<li>And some are men who, for one reason or another, are dissatisfied with the women in their own country. Russian women are less materialistic, more traditional and feminine than their Western sisters, and this type of a lady appeals to many men.</li>

<b>What is the success rate

How to Choose the Best Online Dating Site for You

Online dating is an exciting new way for you to make romantic connections with the man or woman of your dreams. We all need all the help we can get. We use connections from friends, clubs, bars and parties . . . anything we can figure out that works to find new people to date and places where available singles might congregate.

As you look into new alternatives you might explore personal ads, blind dates, etc., but online dating is another whole world. The good thing is the internet is full of really helpful dating sites that can help us make just the right kind of contact with the types of people we know we will hit it off with.

But before beginning your search, you will need some guidelines on how to choose the right service for you. Online services usually charge a membership fee and you sure do not want to sign up for every one you are curious about. Plus it takes time to get used to the features so you want to quickly pick just the right one, get your subscription going, and get started on your way to a fun and exciting online romantic life. So here are a few guidelines on how to pick one.

After you do an initial scan and develop perhaps a list of a dozen or two sites that might be candidates, you can begin to develop a checklist to compare their features. The use of a spreadsheet is excellent for this. You can build a pretty complete list of features without spending any money on them. As you browse through the different features pages of various online dating services, sometimes that alone will help eliminate some from the list.

Determine what your target is. If you want to belong to two or three services, then you can have some variety in your services. Much of that is a budget decision. So on your comparison sheet or spreadsheet, make sure you have a place to describe the costs. If it is a one-time cost, show that or if there is a monthly subscription, show that. Once you get all the services you like listed, it will become apparent pretty quickly which ones are overpriced or beyond your budget and that, too, will help you narrow down your list.

So you have two big criteria: cost and variety of features and services to use for comparison. The third criteria is specializations. You will find dating services that cater to certain age groups, to certain ethnic, religious or regional needs, and even to certain sexual or special interest groups, such as people who like art or music. You will see as you review each site if they are targeted to just that group. From there you can determine which appeals to you and what you want. If you wish to use the service to meet women in your area to eventually connect with, you do not want to waste your time or money on a service geared to another part of the country.

Take some time performing this evaluation perhaps a day or two and when you get done you will feel satisfied that you picked just the right dating service for you. Better yet, you will see results begin to happen for you and start making really great romantic connections on your service because you took the time to pick the right one.

Finding An Asian Girl Online.

Leave behind all the stereotypes. Read the story of Tim with his own words.

I was inspired to share my perspective on relationships with an Asian girls after reading about intense desire of Western men to marry Asian girls, or more specifically a Japanese girl.

When a person searches for true love, they must not have any assumptions. If you desire the pure love of an Asian girl, then you must also throw away all stereotypes that you may have about Asian girls - that they are submissive, docile, naive, too eager to please, and whatever else.

Since love is never expressed in a cookie-cut design, remember that your true love, the Asian girl of your dreams, who will rescue you from this abominable and inescapable trap of single white females, will perhaps be un-accepting of your previous judgments and stereotypes you have come to know and believe.

Just so I am perfectly clear, I have dated American women, and they are wonderful human beings for whom I have no ill feelings whatsoever.

That previous statement about the trap of single white females was merely an exaggeration of the impression I received from your comments on American females.

As I was taught, assumptions and stereotypes can destroy a relationship and sometimes prevent them before they even begin. I learned it was not fair for me to say that every Asian girl I date will be exactly as the first love in my life, who was indeed Asian.

Perhaps I am speaking of things you have already come to understand, and I have no intentions of insulting your intelligence, or that any American females either.

True love comes with complete honesty and open heart. And the only word of advice which I still have failed to completely grasp is that any woman - Asian, American, Latvian, etc.,

hates to hear about your past relationships.

Women in general never like it when you bring up an ex. In rare cases, a few may accept it as an opening up. Yeah, I know what I just said may sound like a generalization, but wouldn't you also dislike hearing about a girl's ex-boyfriend(s)? Maybe not, but…that goes without saying…don't generalize either.

In no way am I the perfect male. I do my best to reveal who I am and being honest with the one I love, and at the same time, be honest with myself. You are well on the path of finding and understanding true love.

I commend you greatly for writing your experiences as you have. It relates to many, many, many men out there who do not have the courage to come out and have their own life written out on a website such as yourself.

I happen to be one of those men. I wish you the best of luck in find your true love. Never let anyone change your opinion or preferences and ideas on what you know will make your life complete. Always follow your heart as you have been.

I too am a fellow lover of Asian culture, cuisine, and most importantly, the miracle of God's most precious creation - Asian Girls.

Free Online Dating

Studies indicate that many people hardly have the time these days to go out on personal activities like shopping, vacations, and dates because of the huge demand and pressures of their work. Fortunately, you really do not have to be away from your office and sacrifice your career to have a little bit of a personal life. Free online dating is the rage these days, though it has been around for quite a while now.

There are a lot of success stories fueling these free online dating sites. Free online dating is a safe, yet practical way to find a possible match. And yes, they do find a match for you. These sites work on searching for people who have the same interest as you do. You think you're the only person you know who likes gothic music? Well, think again because free online dating will search the world over just to find you that special someone who shares the same interests as you do.

Free online dating has memberships from all parts of the world and you will be able to meet people from different backgrounds and cultures. The plus side to this is, if things don't work out between the two of you, then you can always remain friends without the worry of the awkwardness of bumping into each other at the grocery store.

Free online dating is very simple; all you need to do is sign up. You will be given your own personal page with profile spaces to fill-up. You can customize the dating service's search but putting certain restrictions on areas like ethnicity, religion, or employment. In a matter of hours, the free online dating site will send you a list of possible matches and it will be up to you to choose from the list who you want to get in touch with.

Selecting Roommates - Your 6 Step Selection Guide

With your phone ringing off the hook and email messages piling up, are you still trying to decide how to select your new roommate? If you are, don't worry, it's just a matter of getting organized and putting together a roommate selection process that suits you.

The key to successfully choosing a new roommate is to start planning how you will select your roommate before you begin your search. Creating a roommate selection process lets you become more organized which allows you to focus on choosing the right roommate. This means you can make the right choices without needing to worry that you may be choosing the wrong roommate.

The ideal roommate selection process involves 6 distinctive steps. The advantage of breaking down the process into steps is that it allows you to concentrate on each part individually without being overwhelmed by the "big picture". So, what does the selection process to find your perfect roommate involve? Let's take a look at each of the 6 steps in detail.

1. Plan Questions for Initial Enquiries

You will need to decide on 4-5 questions you would like to ask during initial telephone and email enquiries. This way you can find out more about a person and decide if you like to invite them to a roommate interview.

2. Create a Short List and Schedule Interviews

Putting together a short list shows you which people closely match the profile of your perfect roommate and would be good candidates to become your new roommate. When scheduling interviews, it's a good idea to meet with potential roommates a few hours apart, so that you don't need to cut interviews short due to the lack of time.

3. Interview Potential Roommates

Roommate interviews can be formal or informal and can be held at any place, for example, you could hold casual interviews over coffee in a local Caf?Before you start interviewing, you should decide which questions you would like to ask each potential roommate. These questions will help you decide whether a person is the right roommate for you.

4. Select a Roommate

After interviewing all potential roommates, you will need to discuss and select with all existing household members a new roommate. You can do this by comparing each roommate against your perfect roommate recipe.

5. Check References

Talking to people who have lived with your chosen roommate will help you decide if that person will be the right roommate for you. If they haven't lived with roommates before, try speaking to their friends or family as they can help you discover any hidden surprises.

6. Ask Your New Roommate To Move In

Before asking your new roommate to move in, it's a good idea to sleep on your decision overnight. If you still feel confident about your choice in the morning, it's a good sign you've made the right choice.

These 6 steps give you the flexibility to create your own selection process by giving you the power to decide how to conduct interviews and select roommates while still working within a framework. Just remember, by getting organized and creating a roommate selection process, you too, will soon know how to handle all of those messages and choose the roommate that's right for you.

Good Luck and Happy Roommate Hunting!

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: "How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don't spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?" On and on.

Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn't make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It's intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.