Affairs - A Shot in the Heart
While fantasizing about being someone else doesn't mean, people will act upon it, it nevertheless sets the stage for an affair should the opportunity arise. Some have long-term affairs with the same person, others have affairs with several partners, and some may cheat just once. Sadly, the commandment, Thou shall not commit adultery has been twisted into Thou shall not admit adultery. There are those who never cheat but keep the fantasy alive. Almost 50 percent of married people have affairs.
Slightly over 70 percent are dissatisfied with their sex life, and 85 percent wish for more romance. Far too many married people entertain thoughts of someone else, and some even believe this to be normal. Others think that being dissatisfied in their relationships is a sufficient reason to have an affair. Even though dissatisfying sex lives appear to be a main reason for affairs among couples, the underlying cause is mostly friction and conflict in other areas. Some straying lovers actually claimed that an affair revived their relationship, such as in the case of Darby and Roger.
A frustrated Darby stated Roger's inconsiderate five-minute sex routine as the reason for their problems. When she met Mel, she felt justified to get what she was missing in her marriage. The affair lasted over a year and Darby felt sexually fulfilled. Mel ended their affair when Roger discovered his wife's infidelity. Ironically, Darby and Roger both reported an improved sex life after the affair. Now their sexual interludes extended from five minutes to ten and are an act of two emotionally beaten people instead of lovemaking. Roger's pride had been attacked. Yet, he decided to forgive Darby, who did not care about the consequences of her affair. Instead, she felt deserted by Mel who had ended the affair. It didn't take long for Darby to seek another affair, only this time she was more careful about not getting caught. Roger and Darby still live their lives with lies and deception and are only tied together through habit and fear of change. Both avoid the real issue in their relationship, which is the lack of emotional connectedness. As a result, they are not in tune with each other.
Being unfaithful is morally irresponsible and never a solution to relationship problems. As a matter of fact, it is the ultimate betrayal and the devastating consequences can almost never be erased. Some may point to relationships that have continued after an affair. People can forgive and even rationalize affairs, but they can never make them go away. Seemingly forgiven affairs will always be the one cracked brick making the house crumble, even if all the other bricks have weathered the storm. Like a weak link, overcome affairs will snap the chain when someone rattles it.
Many relationship experts argue that relationships can be mended and even improved after an affair. However, the pain and distrust can never be erased. Often, when a couple stays together after an affair, it is for reasons that have very little to do with love, and sooner or later they split up anyway. Still, it is a personal choice whether to forgive an affair or to end the relationship. In all cases professional help should be sought.
If a relationship is to survive an affair (as few do) the purest and surest way to starting over is through sexual abstinence. Respect and trust cannot be established in bed. Leaving sex out of the equation for a while allows you to connect honestly as human beings again. Sexual abstinence empowers partners, re-builds self-respect and helps you realize that sex is not just about gratification; rather it is the ultimate gift to each other.
© 2006 Allie Ochs
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Dating..A Parents Worst Fear? It Doesn’t Have To Be!
Parents with Teenagers…be Prepared!!
I am writing this brief article to parents who have or will have
teenage girls. I want to share this because if necessary
precautions are taken you will save a lot of pain, heartache,
and tears!
At the age of 16 my daughter became ill, headache, throwing up,
nausea and tired. Yes all the symptoms of pregnancy, as I know
the symptoms well as I have brought four girls into this world.
My daughter's first response when I asked her if she had been
having sex and thought maybe she was pregnant was "No, Mom."
Okay, so I thought possibly I was jumping the gun and she had
the flu, but being a mom I knew deep inside something did not
feel right and after another week, she continued to be sick. One
more time I asked her, "Do you think your pregnant, have you
been having sex?" and this time she was quiet and said, "Yes,
Mom."
Okay, as you can imagine most parents may have flipped out, gone
over the edge, hollered and screamed, but for some reason at
that point and time, God had given me a sense of calmness, I was
so calm I scared myself. We talked about when, who, and did she
use protection. Yes she said he used protection. I told her we
would go and get a pregnancy test just to double check because
although I was calm on the outside, my insides were screaming,
"Please God, don't let her be pregnant!"
My daughter left the room and I shut my bedroom door and at that
time I uncontrollably broke down crying and I could not tell you
when I stopped. I felt anger, hurt, resentment, guilt and the
emotions were endless. I felt so sad for my daughter and angry
at the same time because I knew by her having a baby this early
it would "ruin" her life.
Now the reason I must explain my rollercoaster emotions and as
my husband had told me several years ago to get our daughters on
birth control, I didn't listen, and the reason why is because as
a mother I felt I would be condoning sexual relations at such a
young age and everything I was taught growing up as a pastors
daughter did not agree with giving my daughters birth control.
So needless to say, I did not listen to my husband, but thought
because I had such an open relationship with my daughter and we
had been talking about sex since she was 13 years old that she
would never have sex…I was very, very wrong!
So I stress to every parent that has teenage daughters that are
dating or even if their not dating on a regular basis to
continue your open communication with them but PROTECT them by
allowing them to be on birth control, for their own safety
against pregnancy and disease. It is not about us saying we
don't care that you have sex but it's about saying that we care
and love you and don't want to see you hurt because even if your
child isn't ready or they think their not, "things" happen, the
moon could be right some night, the music, atmosphere and before
you know it…it's too late! So please, take extra precautions
with your teenage daughters and avoid the pain and heartache
that our family has had to endure and the decisions we have had
to make!
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Wedding Boutonnieres - Tips For Achieving the Ultimate Finishing Touch
Boutonnieres are the ultimate finishing touch to a gentleman's outfit and provide a sense of style.
Here are some tips on how to make sure that the guys in your wedding party look fantastic.
Types of Flower
Roses are the most popular flower for a boutonniere, but don't feel that you have to follow tradition. Other flowers that work well include stephanotis, tulips and orchids. If you are on a budget, carnations are a good choice.
Choosing Your Boutonnieres
The colour of your boutonnieres can be chosen to either contrast or complement the colour of the groom's outfit. For instance a black morning suit with a burgundy cravat could be complemented by a burgundy boutonniere made from a tulip, calla lily or rose.
Alternatively, you could arrange for boutonnieres to be made that mirror the flowers in the bride's bouquet.
Who Should Have Boutonnieres?
It is common for the bridegroom, best man, ushers/groomsmen and fathers of the bride and bridegroom to all have boutonnieres. Some couples also like to make boutonnieres available to all who attend the wedding ceremony, but this will be dependant on your budget.
To mark him out as special, the bridegroom often has a slightly different boutonniere to the rest of the wedding party. It maybe a different colour, or the florist may put elaborate embellishments on it such as decorative beads, diamante, or additional blooms.
How to Wear Your Boutonnieres
The boutonniere is worn on the gentleman's left lapel. It should be worn on the outside of the buttonhole, and not in it. It is common to secure it in place by using a pearl-headed pin from the back of the lapel. This can be done in such a way that the pin will then be invisible from the front.
Weddings are generally focused on how special the bride looks. Boutonnieres are an inexpensive way to ensure that the groom looks and feels special too.
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