Find Love The Zen Way
"If he comes we welcome,
If he goes we do not pursue"
Zen saying
We all want love. We are all searching for some lasting relationship. Yet it always seems as if relationships are difficult, difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy. Though many do all they can, problems, complications and disappointment arise.
But from the Zen point of view, struggling to find and keep love is the opposite of what is needed. First we must learn 'do nothing'. We must learn how to let go of control.
Rena started Zen practice after losing two important relationships. Devastated, she was convinced she could never hold onto love.
She told the Zen Master, "I can't bear losing even one more person."
"You will lose many," the Zen Master said.
Rena gasped.
"Inevitable."
"What can I do about it?" Rena shot back.
"Do nothing,: the Zen Master said.
This 'do nothing' is active and vital, the very opposite of passivity. In order to understand this, we must take a step back.
We are born wanting to control our world and the people in it. We scream to get food from mother, smile to receive the attention we crave and, when our needs aren't met kick up a great fuss. As infants we feel that others are here simply to care for us and keep us content. This kind of attitude can be very hard to outgrow. In fact, it can be said that 99% of our precious life energy goes into controlling others so that our desires can be fulfilled.
What we call love in relationships is often no more than having someone who makes us feel good.
The Zen way is the opposite. We do not try to use others, control events, or demand that life fulfill our dreams. Instead, we grow aware of and accepting of all that is given, and learn to take care of the world we live in. As we do this, an odd thing happens, we become more and more fulfilled. As we grow in compassion and simplicity, all we truly need then comes naturally.
Doing Nothing
The only real miracle is to stand still. -Henry Miller
Unfortunately, the idea of 'doing nothing' has been greatly misunderstood. It does not mean be passive. Just the opposite. Do nothing is the most challenging, demanding, revolutionary instruction that can be given. It means, when faced with life's challenges - let go of control.
In order to learn how to do this in Zen meditation we are given this instruction - "Don't Move." Usually we move (and react) all the time. When something bothers us, we shift, change our position, do anything we can to fix it. Although our behavior alters the condition for a little while, it usually comes back again, sometimes more intensely, sometimes in another form. Likewise, no matter what action we take in relationships, often there is nothing that will cause the trouble to go away.
As we surrender control over the condition, we allow things to be as they are. We allow the entire world to play itself out in front of our eyes. This profound action implies an immense respect for the intrinsic nature of people and events, for a larger design in the universe, which brings our good to us, and removes that which no longer belongs.
How often we try to grasp and hold onto that which is no longer suitable, or to desperately maneuver to obtain that which may be entirely wrong. When we do not control, but rather appreciate what is happening, (or who is coming our way) we are yielding to a higher wisdom, permitting life to take its own course.
True Action
When we're in a difficult situation, most of our actions create more upset and complications. These are not truly actions, but reactions. True action is something different. It is clear, spontaneous, purposeful, direct.
In order to arrive at true action we must, first, do nothing. This means we must stop doing what we used to do, cease our knee jerk reactions, stop living like Sisyphus, rolling the same rock up the same mountain. We must be able to bear the temporary discomfort of stopping our usual ways.
As we do this, many upsets dissolve naturally. We do not fan the flames. We do not turn a summer rain into a violent thunderstorm, which can tear an entire relationship apart.
When you are faced with a difficult knot in a relationship, or when you are trying to find someone new to love - don't squirm and wrestle, don't enter into a struggle. "Do nothing" give up control. Stay centered and immovable in the middle of the storm and see what the life is truly bringing to you. Keep clear and compassionate. Let the situation unfold as it will. Don't get picked up and whirled around like a leaf in the wind.
Relax Your Grip
Zen teaches us how to relax our grip. As this happens we begin to see each person as they truly are, not as we wish or demand. We also realize that it is not an act of love, to try to change and control another. It is an act of love to discover and appreciate who they truly are.
When we let each moment, each person be exactly as they are this is the great work of doing nothing. It is the work of non-interference with the primal wisdom of the universe, which runs through all things and beings, including ourselves.
When we step back and allow this harmony to take over, our entire lives are healed and enhanced. That which is right for us comes naturally, and difficult situations find their own healing as well. When we honor and uphold life as it is given, then inevitably, life honors and upholds us.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)The Alluring Impression of Men’s Hairstyle - the Cardinal Reality in Dating
This article deals with one of the most important areas of your appearance - hair. While the ultimate choice of how you want to look depends on you and your preferred style, one important point to remember is you must look CLEAN. The clean-cut look truly never goes out of fashion. And did you know that the choice of length of hair on your head also decides the kind of women who might be attracted to you? Interesting!
If you decide to follow whatever the current trend is - choice is entirely yours. But remember, that golden streak, that green top, or that long pony tail, will immediately delete a section of women from being attracted to you. Your target group gets reduced. To appeal to the maximum number of women, consider a neat short cut, trimmed neatly over the ears. If you are suffering from a thinning problem, go for a super-short or even the Yul Bryner look - the shiny bald.
Talking about baldness, it is a matter of great concern for men world-wide. There are numerous connotations (often self-made) about being bald. For example, bald men do not attract women; bald men look older than their age, and so on and so forth. But truly, women get attracted to men WHO MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD. Bald or otherwise. Come to think of it, baldness even lends a look of maturity and intelligence, and there are enough women who prefer them to "mamma's boys".
Whether long or short, bald or no bald, your overall hairstyle should look as natural as possible and not as if it is put on and dressy. You may decide to consult a woman hairstylist to decide which style look best on you. But remember to take care of your hair. Use shampoo and conditioners and take care of dandruffs, if any. There is nothing as disgusting as dating a man with dandruff on his shirt collar!
Facial hair, like beards and moustaches draw equal responses from women. If some like it, equal numbers do not. Personally speaking I feel facial hair can interfere with kissing and hence I remain clean shaven. Whichever form of facial hair you decide to keep, soul-patch or a goatee, remember to keep it clean, neat and trimmed. Women normally do not prefer unkempt and shaggy facial hair, as it makes a man look like a vagrant or a lost romantic or a has-been poet.
Hair on the rest part of your body like back and neck also needs grooming. Go for waxing from time to time, if necessary. Most women prefer hair on the chest, so don't worry too much about it. But hair coming out of your nose and ears, MUST BE TRIMMED. If you can avoid it, prevent the two eyebrows meet in the center. And as far as your pubic hair is concerned, keeping it clean and trimmed is not only hygienic but exposes your manliness even more!
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Ten Reasons Why You Never Go On Dates
Have you wondered why you never go out on dates like other people do? Would you like to meet someone and fall in love?
"There aren't any relationships out there that really work. I have never seen any I would want," my client said. Have you ever heard yourself say anything like that?
Unfortunately, what we see is what we are programmed to see; we re-create over and over, what we believe; and more importantly, we ATTRACT what we are thinking. If you think most guys are jerks, you will definitely attract jerks.
I told my client to look for signs of love between a man and a woman for one week. She began to look
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